originally revised 12-11-98, edit/add 1/7/7; 1/8/7; 1/9/7; 1/11/7

augmented to full unedited text o/a 27 March 2009; 6-20 April 2009

Background/Notes

Timelines:

Spring-Summer 1966 Salesman, Niagra Cyclo Massage Chairs, Rev. Eugene Wright, D.C.

August 1966-March? 1969 Vietnam Desk, Program Officer for Health, Refugees

March 1969-Spring 1970 Office of Economic Opportunity, Program Budget & Analysis

Summer 1970 Deputy Dir. of Operations, Pathfinder Fund, Boyleston St., Chestnut Hill, Boston;

Founder/Publisher, Coast Pilot, Kennebunk

Fall 1970-71 Vocalist, 4th-Generation (lounge), DC

Winter 1971 - 1972 Vocals/Bass, Klaxon (top-40)

Sometime 1971 Consultant, Dept. HEW, study of direct versus contract services

Feb.-May 1972 (approx) --NSYSP (National Summer Youth Sports Program) contract/book

May 1973 rewrite NSYSP book; Dad dies in Chicago

June 1973 separation formalized

July?-Nov 1973 set up programs for The Assistance Group, MD, WA and AK; contract ended

Nov. 1973-Jan 1974 Lounge performer, Autotrain; took leave of absence

STUART HALE SHAKMAN:

NOTEBOOKS 1973-1996, or

from "MATTER OF TIME"

to "BLAME THE GOVERNMENT"

A collection of thoughts in verse, song and prose - 1973-1996; incorporating:

A. D.C. NOTEBOOKS 1973-75 - "MATTER OF TIME"

B. L.A. FIRST TOUR 1977-81 - "BLACK HOLE OF VENICE"

C. D.C. SECOND TOUR 1982-83 - "COME ON IN"

D. DEFINITELY SAN FRAN 1983-89 - "SORRY I MISSED YOU"

E. L.A. SECOND TOUR 1990-96 - "BLAME THE GOVERNMENT"

A. D.C. NOTEBOOKS - 1973-5 - MATTER OF TIME

Prelude: Scraps & Songs (Halloween 1973 - 16 Jan.1974)

Part I: OPEN [or INFINTELLECT] (16 Jan. 1974 - 5 March 1975)

Part II: THORAZONE (6-21 March 1973)

Part III: SPRUNG (21 March 1973 - January 1975)

MATTER OF TIME

Foreword (seed planted Fall 1973) – excerpted from Erich von Däniken, Chariots of the Gods, 1970, p. 164, 168:

"However skeptical or antipathetic we may be to everything occult, we cannot avoid looking into some as yet inexplicable physical phenomena, for example the thought transference between intelligent brains ... What if all (or even only a few highly trained) human brains have unknown forms of energy at their disposal and possess the ability to make contact with all living beings? We know frighteningly little about the functions and potentialities of the human brain; but it is known that only one-tenth of the cortex functions in the brain of a healthy man. What are the remaining nine-tenths doing? ... If science succeeds in making such a 'wild' idea demonstrable, it could mean that all intelligences in the universe belong to the same unknown structure."

MATTER OF TIME

Prelude: Scraps & Songs

(Day after Halloween -- November 1, 1973)

#1177 Space Out

Concerns immediate.

Could be a total down.

Cannot operate without mask.

All coming together, which is apart.

Stay out of bars, out, out.

Spacing out time.

Dimensions of time.

Time and Space.

Yesterday was Halloween.

Get another mask - any mask.

To watch a human being be human,

when he's so close he could be you,

and he is.

(November 19, 1973)

PASSING THROUGH [song]

C Cmaj7 F#m7 B7

On your way may friend, cause the world is closing in.

Dm Dm7 G7/C G7

You've been crying and dying, cause you really don't fit in.

Cmaj7 C#dim Dm Fm

So you met someone that's warm, but you're losing if you win,

G7 Dm G7

So off you go. You'll never know

What it's like to be relaxed with what you've got and what you know,

Who you are and what you feel, and why it's hard to let it show.

So keep burning and learning. Now it's time for you to blow

Right out the door. You've learned once more

F Dm Cmaj7 C7

That a man'll spend his lifetime searching for some peace of mind,

F Dm Cmaj7 C7

But you pass each smiling doorway like a fool - or are you blind?

Am Em F Fm

Then you run around in circles, never sure of what you'll find.

And you'll find

That everything is changing, but it's always still the same.

While you're living, you are dying, hardly trying to play the game.

Hey, you'll never know the answers, but the questions still remain.

But not you. You're passing through -

Through the visions and the dreams, images and schemes

To put it all together in a life that really means

What you are and are becoming,

But somehow it always seems to slip away ... another day.

(Verse) And a man'll spend his searching ... And you'll find

Another day. So on your way.

###

WOMAN STOP

o/a November 29, 1973

E Ab

Woman, stop giving me the business

C#m

Cause you know that I'm a sucker for a pretty face,

A smile, and in a little while

E E6

You'll take me in and blow my mind

A C

Then turn around and find

E C#7 F# B7

That you don't need me anymore except to score.

You say it's real and you know just how you feel

And that it's so right it never could go wrong

But girl, I've heard that song so many times before

And now I'm back up off the floor

E C#7 F# B7 E

So I'm telling you, go back where you belong.

C#m G#m

Woman, hear my plea, stop giving me

A Am6 B7

That helpless little girl routine. You know exactly what I mean.

Telephone keeps ringing. Should I answer? Is it you?

I don't know what to do. I'm so easy.

And I'm feeling kind of queasy, but I ain't gonna fall.

Why don't you give some other guy a call.

Woman, stop giving me the business ... .

(Hume)

###

(Week of Nov. 26, 1973, Olympia, Washington)

WILL WE BE

(Week of Nov. 26, 1973, Olympia, Washington)

D A Bm G

Whoever she is, whatever she is, will she be out tonight?

D A G D

Is she aware I might be there, and is she thinking right?

D A Bm G

Who'll she be, what'll she be, will she be mine tonight?

D Bm D Bm

Will she be fair? Will she be foul?

D Bm D Fm G A

Will she be dark? Will she be black, as black as coal?

D Bm D Bm D Bm

And will she give? Will she live? Will she love?

Will she be me, not heart, not soul, but me?

Will she be me? Will she be we?

Will we be free? Will we be, for even just a minute?

Ah, what a surprise. Will she be wise?

Or in disguise? Who is the prize, and who will win it?

Will she be real? Will she feel?

Will she reveal, or conceal the warmth that's in it?

Whoever she is, whatever she is,

Will it be warm tonight?

Will it be right, not too uptight?

All through the night? Clear out of sight.

Gotta be right.

Unresolved questions from Olympia:

How to really get into it, but not be involved?

And what does this mean? [Voila: See 20 January '74]

(5 January 1974)

BACK HOME

I really don't live here anymore.

I've been here so long, and have so many shadows,

And I keep coming back, and I always will because it's home.

But I really don't live here anymore.

Or I really don't live here yet.

Maybe I have to move. Not run away, but move.

Because there are too many shadows of what I've been,

what I'm not anymore, but they're here,

And they bring me back to a me that no longer exists.

So maybe I can never really exist here ever,

Or maybe I just don't live here yet

Or anywhere ever.

(10 January 1974)

How can anyone be so happy and sad at the same time, as I am right now.

Unbelievable, absolutely.

Why am I crying?

Why am I laughing?

There is absolutely no pattern to human behavior.

You keep going toward more general generalizations, and then there's an exception.

So you generalize more to take it in, and then something blows that apart.

The only way to know is to know you never will.

You will always be surprised.

You will continue to learn, but you will never learn.

Because what you learn is that everything you know is meaningless,

or becomes meaningless when you destroy its pattern.

Patterns - Images. Those vital roots we cling to.

They disappear, we change, but create new ones -- and soon they are gone.

And then there was one.

[(17 January 1974)]

And then there was all.

Miscellaneous notes approx Jan 10-Jan 24

(from first, little brown, notebook, used 1/10 - 1/24) undated otherwise:

Med Exam - growth, heart beat, u

Russ $

Fender Amp?

Consult work

Call Terry

Car

Door 6'5-1/2" x 31-1/2

Score

Transpose

Thoughts and feelings

Part I: OPEN [or INFINTELLECT] (16 Jan. 1974 - 5 March 1975)

(16 Jan. 1974, about 3:30 A.M., on the southbound Autotrain,

Lorton VA to Sanford FL, after my performance in the lounge).

So much to do and so little time...

yet we live out our lives like a nursery rhyme

in our bunker of space and tunnel of time,

whose dimensions we measure all based on our pleasure

in that bunker of space and tunnel of time.

But open your eyes and loosen your blinds

to dimensions that may not have entered your minds -

to the secrets whose answers will never be found.

And the knowledge of NEVER leaves us no longer bound

by the stories we tell of a heaven or hell.

So back to that tunnel of time that's so narrow,

and dimensions we see that move straight, like an arrow.

It's a line. It's a rope. But now let us cope

with a time so insane as a time that's a plane.

Not a circle... or square... but an infinite field

moving forward? through space? on that line? Is this time?

And the plane often tilts in its infinite ways,

and suddenly, moments are bigger than days, weeks or years,

and turn back on themselves with infinity's gears.

No more fears. What are tears?

Is the infinite close as your hand to your face,

and a man more immortal than the whole human race?

And this, all, at the same time far less than a trace?

And is there a difference between time and space?

Von Dannegut, Darrell and all

[Wow! Had been able to verbalize, at times, for ... months, and been thinking for who knows how long. Thank you Von Dannegut for the sharing; will write you later]

(16 Jan. 1974, 3:40 A.M.)

ALONE

Alone is where we begin and end.

But then in the middle we try to bend the rules.

We're not fools, but it's hard to live with no reason to give.

So we seize on something we learned in school

like the Golden Rule.

(Is it love or fear that gives us this tool?)

And we tie us together with ribbons and, whether

we choose to accept it, with paper and gold

and magnificent objects bought and sold.

And we buy and sell and think, "Isn't it swell?

We're involved, we belong, and we'll never do wrong."

Then we're old. Then we're cold.

We've been sold by ourselves for some trinkets and wars,

thinking brothers and sisters were pimps and whores,

and look back on our nothingness ... images gone ...

all alone, all the time, dawn to dawn.

But why wait so long to discover that somewhere,

without all the frills, we share that alone ...

that we are and we were and we always will be

-- humanity.

Joannie

(Jan. 17, 1974)

Undated notes from first, little brown, notebook used 1/10-1/24;

seemingly all from 1/17 (as they refer Time/Alone)

Zorro

Bug Off (Woman Stop)

Passin Thru (On your Way)

Hiding (Dinee)

Home (There's No Such Place As)

No More Beer

Poor Little Girl [Al Shakman]

Search (Whoever She Is)

Time

Alone

Masks 1 (out)

Masks 2 (in)

Knowledge (Generalizing at)

Meaning

Learning

Together

Balance

Open your being and I'll open mine

Masks 2

What you wanna be to me

What role really speaks to me

What role you gonna play to me

Generalizations ... Knowledge ... and then there was one

Happy Sad

Happy sad

Crying, laughing

See the good and the bad

Not crying for joy

Meaning

We don't have very much time

All there is is time

Creativity, living, learning, energy, becoming.

All the rest is spacing it out.

Learning

Even if I never see you again, I want this picture of you to help me remember all the things you taught me, or I learned from "us", things neither of us knew about life, love, ourselves, and our world.

Terry

Building from alone (Together)

Spacing out time (Passing Thru?)

Masks

Not just another pretty face

Hiding

Open your being to mine, and I'll open mine

Dirtball Baby of 1973: Hot pants, teased hair, 65 Impala, Chewing gum

Totally into it, but not involved

Balance of levels of consciousness

Kings that are men

Not knowing why where or when

Happy

If I thot I had a year to live, what would I do?

What I'm doing now, at a no more hurried pace.

Your already comprehension(?)

Existence - putting off questions of importance; holding onto images of what one "would like to do"; always find excuse because "image" not that thought out concretely, but very real anyway.

Real purpose in life for massses is survival, disguised in pursuit of objects for other good.

Life wish

If you had 6 months to live, what would you do? Why not now? Really want to do it? 1 yr? 2, etc.

I want to understand.

I want to learn why the generalizations don't fit.

Why? Why? What are the keys to knowing?

There must be one or some to open this new dimension to me.

I must keep asking why.

Time is my worst limit.

Time is my worst enemy.

I wish to seek accommodation with it ... to understand ... to be together with it, so I too may be infinite. My union with time is at once a union with space and all ... ALL.

Stretch it from the inside .. do that, and it's infinite.

"SORRY"

You're sorry.

But you shouldn't apologize,

because you're not sorry for me,

but the embarassment it causes you

to have to say you're sorry.

What a pretentious clause to voice,

thinking you have the choice

of affecting the life of a brother so dear and so near

that his life you could queer by the things you need do.

So you do, maybe screw, things to do.

But I'll die; so will you.

So get off that horse you don't think you've been on,

and talk to me sister.

Don't apologize to me;

say you're sorry to ... you.

Patty et al

LOVE

We'll always be friends. You'll always be my friend.

You don't have to be my lover,

and you don't have to not be my lover either.

Well, that matters too,

but it really doesn't matter as long as you're my friend.

Terry et al

I shared my thoughts and questions with many sisters and brothers

Why did Zaidi say he thought I would be a philosoph?

Why am I so aware of this sharing/ becoming?

Freedom of the liberated poor man to seek new measures

Without the encumberance of a way of life of rich men's pleasures.

(Jan. 18, 1974)

Today we go in the back door of together,

because we go in the front door of alone.

But it's the same house.

And once again all is nothing and nothing is all.

VANITY

We all know. We all share,

then fool ourselves, thinking only we're aware,

and no one else could care.

Are we so above our brothers

that we really believe the others

can't understand or feel

those things that to us are so real?

So we keep them inside, making us more alone

than alone really is or could be. Vanity?

Are we afraid, or just too vain,

to feel we need to, but could never explain

the discovery, joy, and the pain?

Joannie, Danny and Marilyn

(Jan. 19, 1974, at the Ball Saturday nite)

DOWN

When you get the downs,

remember we've all been there ... and that's part of us.

So we share it with you and with everyone else, now and always.

Then there is so little left for you it's gone.

Boy at Impeachment Ball

[This must have been the headache I shared with Russel]

(Sunday nite Jan 20)

Pick up Russell at 1334 4th (M, left on 4th , 1-1/2 bl left lot.

Fender Amp and Gooseneck for guitar, transmitter

Jerry Teague 547-8139? re Dawn's flooding

Call LaFaye and Carver re place to stay at Mardi Gras Feb 16-26

Charlie McBride

547-2017 326 8th St. S.E.

Mike Baker, 656 12th NE, Friday

There is a river, Edgar Casey

Joannie Bell - We all know, we all share.

Joyce M. Bryant, 6101 N. 18th Rd, Arl., VA 95 Lake Washington exit.

Diane 244-3284; 4412 Garrison, NW

(set list)

My Way

One/Old Fashioned Love Song/Black & White

Windmills

Your Song

Undun

Help Me Make It

Until Its Time

Phoenix

Cabaret

Georgy Girl

Color My World

Fool On Hill

Eleanor Rigby

Mrs. Robinson

Hey Jude

Home Again/ It's Too Late

(Jan. 20, 1974 P.M. Sunday)

MIND

Down that tunnel of time and into your mind we now go,

so we can share that being aware

[Again I have a headache when I write. Tonight I will talk to my recorder]

can show a peace of mind that has so evolved

as to get into it, but not be involved

with conjured up chains of the person you were ...

of the things you could know in your limited sphere.

But that's just a beginning,

cause the power of all, with no deception,

may open us up to whole new dimensions of being together,

that we really can find,

and so badly needed by our collective mind.

Russell

[My headache is gone. .. next: together]

(Late Sunday nite Jan. 20 - Early AM Monday Jan. 21)

To be open is the ultimate in love

for your sister and your brother --

no more tricks or lies or cover.

Do we need the space we use for lies

to discover the highs

of a new state of, union of being, of mind?

Oh shit, we've been so fucking blind!

[VOILA, THE KEY! (SEE JANUARY 17)]

Steph and everybody

[Recollection on reviewing 01 & 12/2007, at that moment in 1974, I was standing in the kitchen in my residence at 408 5th St., S.E., Washington, D.C., back to the stove, facing out across the butcher block center cabinet on an angle to the right toward the back door and window, and my mind was exploding, a tremendous power was rushing in from ... seemingly mostly above but right in my face from all around, and not so much through the ceiling as the ceiling wasn't there or relevant, a tremendously truly-frightening thundering power, at the same time requiring a great effort on my part to not be drawn in, or out as the case may be, fighting, struggling to not be taken up, and at the same time a thundering voice or voices were saying, confirming, shouting, tell the truth, be open, or something like that, but precisely like that, without doubt as to what was being said, really saying it, shouting it, AFFIRMING IT, ROARING IT.]

(Monday Jan. 21, early A.M.)

Where was I last summer? Where does it fit?

Even the worst things in the past are merely less good

because they brought me to where I am now at last,

which is together, which is alright.

(Try "us" in last sentence ... It fits! Another Explosion.)

(Monday Jan. 21 AM

Forget the jails, cause we're locking ourself up in there,

all the things that we share with our friend in despair.

If there was any wrong, it's the images didn't belong,

or our friend needs all of our help to be strong.

O.K., I'll write it.

Today I have experienced the feeling of really transcending the limits of the being I am. Of seeing how silly and insignificant they are, and the knowledge that beyond the finite there is an infinite whose dimensions we are all beginning to explore, all together.

And we will no longer speak or even think in dimensions called limits, but in an infinite number of infinite dimensions that we can explore at will.

And stretch out our times and our beings and days,

through infinite mysteries in infinite ways.

I can no longer hide because hiding is not sharing,

and you cannot ask another to share your hiding --

nor could you conceivably want to hide your sharing.

That instant tunnel between our minds,

that tells of things that have been divined,

is but a transparent tube

we can stretch and open and crawl inside --

a fine ray of light -- and once we're in

we can begin to see of its full transparency,

of the light that comes from all around.

And we've not yet considered the dimensions of sound.

Sound's a tangent --

or is anything that we feel, not only real,

but with barriers [needing] ready to be broken --

walls and limits already spoken for, but never too well.

Always a [flaw] tear in the fabric --

or a different world at the top of the well?

[Done ... and it all comes together, and we're all sharing it.]

Letter to Von Dannegut

Dear friend --

You know of course that there are infinite questions and answers -- and none at all of course -- so do I. And we are all sharing that, for sure. What we should discuss is the awareness that is about to unfold. The being and sharing of mysteries and minds that are indeed really new -- to us and to the "gods" who, if they exist, are also looking for that brreakthrough. Why else leave us to these stupid mazes to go through except to cultivate a being that could help achieve the ultimate being, knowing, becoming that escaped our friends long before. If our friends do exist and have "programmed" us, it's to learn, from the programming, the unknown ... to tear down the walls that they never could, and we're there. All together. And it's good.

I guess I'd like it to be sequential - as it comes out.

But I'm losing track and shuffling papers back and forth.

Yet it fits any way,

because it's all a part of the one and the nothing and all

... different points of entry that all lead to everything.

A new day is dawning, so sudden, no warning --

but as old as forever and new as never.

It all fits and there's nothing we can't know or understand

except for the things that we planned.

It's so close and so open that opening we seek,

for which we must be totally open in all we think and speak.

Look into yourselves,

and the wealth of the feelings, emotions in all of us abound.

And the revolution begins with hardly a sound, or a whimper. Explosions all crashing, unfolding, all at once, all around.

These things can not be published without my written permission and in no case ever for profit except that which we can all share, because we are all together and must strive to help us be aware that nothing I have belongs to me or you or can we really buy or sell anything of value because the only value is that which we share.

What I have is yours and always has been,

and the time for full sharing is about to begin.

To my friends if I go somewhere else --

'cause I'm there and here all the time now it seems --

share our gifts with each other and transcend all our dreams.

No copyrights. I don't believe in copyrights. If my brother will want to or try to rip me off for his narrow monetary ends, he is suffering and we must try to help him to understand that he is wrong -- that ...

The things I leave open, the walls I leave down

are invitations of love and of sharing ... I'm no sucker or clown

... but I feel and believe you are good. So am I.

Touch me. I am you. You are me. Together we'll fly.

I may fix up my house as a place for me and my friends

to travel to the infinite ends of discovery --

and that and my being and all I must share,

'cause I don't give a damn, but I really do care.

(Monday AM, after talk with Marge)

Is the nothingness so very real,

or is it absurd to dismiss the everything with that single word?

... When the limits of nothing will surely reveal

that infinity that we need no longer conceal.

(Jan. 21, Mon., late morning, about Noon)

I am writing these things 'cause so much of my knowing

involves the continued flowing

from there to here and then back again --

with a new-found confidence of seeing the end and beginning

of nothing and everything coming apart and together again.

And excitement of no longer needing to struggle

with questions of what, why or when.

(Jan. 21, early afternoon - tape at home)

We share in our minds the magnificent finds

that come creeping and rushing, so simple yet crushing.

There is nothing you can say

but report the fact that I can no longer obey

those limits that we place on our brothers for no reason,

except to preserve those images that no longer are in season.

-----

(tape in car)

Hello. Are you there? Hello.

I am no longer afraid of anything

for there is nothing to fear,

there is nothing so dear, save the sharing,

that could possibly steer me in any direction,

other than all.

The power of sharing, of open, is such

that there is nothing we can't really touch, feel, or be.

And our destiny lies, maybe not in the skies,

but in us – in us and the skies and in all.

I am open and waiting to hear you call out to me

and I call out to you, and suddenly we know what to do.

And we know it's all absolutely true.

And it's good, as it should be and always has been.

Call it a "God" or gods ... that's OK.

They're all real if we feel them, and yet there's a way

to transcend without losing the things that are real.

Without images we so often use to conceal.

No boundaries. No limits. Tear down the walls,

unlock the halls to the offices, cubicles,

things we erect and protect, bisect, dissect,

and come to think we must respect,

that we must now reject.

If I were I a Jesus "freak" then I might have the audacity to think

that to me Jesus is speaking;

or so hopped up on acid that I’d think that a vision has come

with the help of the gum that I chew.

But I'm not. I'm like you. I am you. You are me.

And we've got to be free,

because we share that humanity.

And that's all that I am is a man,

with nothing of my own that's not also yours.

If I turn my head, and we don't speak, or ignore each other,

that doesn't mean we're not all together all the time,

'cause we are, you are, they are, and it's really not that far.

(tape at train station)

Hi! it's just a jukebox and a bag of bones and clothes and skin

and look out folks, the show's about to begin.

And it's all so clear.

Hi! I'm here, and there, ... and everywhere.

and I don't scare and I hope we can share

all the beauties of being aware.

Far out. I am there ... all the time, with no help but yours.

No artificial [help].

No help but yours, and everyone's.

(end tape in car)

[Letter to a priest, written early AM Jan. 22; he did not accept it when offered the next day.]

Dear friend --

Did you share the excitement of my thinking I understood how you used your days, when before you feared the exact opposite? Yes, you feared or you wished to spare us from the displeasure that might come from viewing your image just as you do. Or is it the fear that the power of really sharing which needs no churches or gods or priests will render you jobless? Of course not. How absurd. But what is the sense then in a vacation if not from a job, from a chore. Then your work is defined, not a life as is mine.

For the word that you and your friends might share with me some time -- but that is for you to decide. I only wish to share again with you the things you have already taught me -- we have all taught each other. It is of a force so good and so far much more powerful than all of the loves of all of our religions multiplied against each other infinitely.

I was amused at discovering or conjuring up images of three wise men at the time when my discoveries have gone beyond the ends of things I could hardly conceive, much less believe, before now. But now I know. But it's really not fair for me to use any imagery or trickery on you, because I know no more or have no more to give than you already have within you and that we already share. It is the us we should discuss, with no limits, no polarization, bifurcation or desecration of what we know to be true. And it is good.

I wish you and your friends a pleasant vacation. And forgive me my excesses at baiting you -- pulling you out on some inner conflicts I know we share. But there are no more conflicts or questions, only the most tranquil and at the same time the most exciting of experiences to ever unfold, and so open to all of us, all persons being basically good and really friends.

My invitation is an open one. There can be no limits on sharing. I'm generally at 408 5th St., SE, DC 20003. Stuart Shakman

P.S. There's always a place for friends to stay.

Ah, my talk with a priest and a kid, and learned much more from the kid -- we really learned together -- than from the priest. Because the kid and I shared. He opened his being to mine as mine is now more than ever open to his, and we shared the things we had learned from each other before, and went so far beyond he was scared, but then no, because he sensed no more fear. And the power of sharing and open grow stronger and stronger.

(Jan. 22, about 4 A.M.; tape on train)

Oh wow. Oh wow.

My self and my being, our sharing, is moving so fast,

that I don't see how I can possibly last.

It's a picture that maybe a dying man sees,

as the knowing goes rushing out,

and in rush the mysteries

of a being so infinite, powerful, good,

and the knowledge of all being just where it should.

Guess I sort of suspected that it might come to this, when the bridges and pathways began to unfold.

Well, at first they were clues, openings, little shots..., then the knowledge of a permanent bridge that will not go away, but rather one I could close and open ... close ... and open. But although the explosions were there before, the new ones keep coming with such tremendous rushes and explode so much ... that there is no way that I would want to close it, so ... how can you go to sleep?

Just as we lack the confidence to indeed cast out from our houses all false idols and gods, images, and all that is not true -- all that is not that which we share -- so do we also lack the confidence to speak out, feel out, reach out with the things we know we share. I look at myself, talking to myself, writing to myself, and wonder, am I a nut? a kook? But it's not me - it's you too.

We are ... We can share ... we are sharing and it's nothing that we cannot share... It's us! ... and it's so beautiful.

And we've been afraid for so long to speak out and reach out. Now I think we must do so. We must do so, and we must share. ... And we must help everyone to share ... and everyone to walk tall ... everyone to not be afraid.

There can be no bosses. There are no bosses. There are no bosses and underlings. There are only associates. We can still work together, doing our jobs. Institutions worth preserving will not crumble and fall. Institutions will not fall - unless they are built on lies. So there is nothing to fear. Nothing, nothing to fear.

And even if all these explosions are really nothing but the signs of a sickness ... a mentally ill person or persons - which they are not, we know they are not -- it's not a bad way to live out your days. To speak only what you know is without deceit, to the extent you possibly can. Avoid it, strive to avoid it, avoid all lies, all half-truths, and to strive to share. To believe that you really own nothing ... and all that you have is only that which you can share.

A home is then no longer a castle with moats to keep out your enemies, but merely a place to let in your friends.

And so the directions for our search become clear. In every direction of the unknown. Every place where there's a sphere of knowledge, we look for the openings out. And if we are successful, it will take us to every place unimaginable, everyplace unimaginable. But we need no longer fear that.

We need no longer fear the worst, because there is no more bad - only things less good from which we will learn ... and share. And we will keep coming together, and we will keep sharing, and we will keep exploding forever and ever and ever.

More than ever I need my brothers and my sisters; I am less alone than I have ever been and I need to share this with you. I need for you to be with me all the time. All the time. I need you to be with me all the time. We need to be together. We need to share.

Let me try to explain it.

These things that, lets say, I know - I do now know in and of myself. I have learned them from you. We have learned them together. We have learned them together, even if the fullness of our discovery is coming out in me just a little faster. But I want to share it with you - and we can.

We share it, you and I, and you with everybody, because you've shared your total existence, a lot of little things here there and everywhere, with everybody that you've known. And it just goes on and on and on; we share it with everybody because everybody shared it with us, and it all begins to come together.

There are so many people that I want to talk to, right now ... right now ... all at the same time - friends, people that I've talked to over the past few days. I want us to all be together ... to talk ... to communicate ... all of us to be together all at the same time.

Technology ? like a conference call with an infinite number of connections tapping right into all of our minds. It starts off with a few of us just like we're talking on the phone, in its simplest form, because that we can deal with. But then it really zoooms to all of us being together, our collective minds being together. It zooooms to that dimension.

And this is what sharing and being together is all about, I guess.

I don't think I can really write this now, but it's something we must return to at some later stage. I think we're dealing with opening up our levels of consciousness to each other, and particularly going into the subconscious and its mysteries. And we [can] trace it through, because ... we have ways in the subconscious that [may] connect us to whole new dimensions of collective thinking.

And if we assume that the key to the subconscious is a total cleansing of the conscious of all lies and deceits and half-truths, maybe for some spiritual reasons, but beyond this maybe just because of a simple biological reason that the part of our mind that we use to conjure up these images and to preserve these walls in all of our areas of thinking and being, maybe those very same brain cells are the ones that are limiting us from the use of the other areas of the brain which will allow for the total sharing of our collective beings. Which [total sharing] then brings us right out into infinity of a certain dimension, and opens us up to all other dimensions of infinity in all other areas of the unknown.

So it could be strictly a biological function. How about that? And it starts to make some real sense, in terms of being totally open, really totally open on a conscious level. Maybe the subconscious only knows the open and true, and doesn't know the images. And we can't get into it until we are truly "cleansed" if you will.

If that is true (this is all of course speculation, or is it? Well it's knowledge; now we're speculating, or are we?), the question then becomes, can one individual achieve this without the rest, or can some achieve it without the rest? Now let’s say one of us achieved it, really did, and achieved this cleansing with no replacement, no other idols or images to replace those that ... that we have "cleansed" -- no gurus, or gods or persons or great persons. We're all great. No persons who are greater or lesser than us. All of our brothers and sisters, all together, all sharing, trying to share, and there is no bitterness or hostility toward those who cannot. We owe our awareness to them and therefore have a responsibility to love, and only to love.

So what if one can achieve ... What does one see? What power does one have? I don't know ... I think one doesn't, because it is something that is shared.

So how about some of us, some of us break through. What power do we have then? (Is it possible for some of us to do so when the rest of our sisters and brothers do not?) If there is something truly achieved by, lets say, five of us, and in whatever way, we can really perceive and feel and believe and know ... and find our entree into the infinite, right now, and we share this with each other, and can share our total beings.

Now the power, of course, unleashed by that, at least with respect to our own beings, will be so great, because I am multiplying my infinity times yours times hers times his times theirs all again times ours ... it grows like that. Then, what would this power give us as far as, well, first of all, understanding of our brothers and communications with them. Would this give us the power to help? Or do I have to go around with a sore throat all the time?

Or ... maybe that is it, that we can share our infinities and really continue to explode, and moreso and moreso, continually unfold in infinite ways amongst ourselves, but still have to use only, and maybe it's a responsibility, of using only the known, using only the known to share our experience with our brothers.

In other words, once we get into the powers of the unknown and can understand and begin to share them, maybe we can still only share the known ... maybe we can't use that unknown to force our others away from their known. We can only use the known and help our brothers and sisters, in every way we can, with the tools that they have ... with the same tools that we have used to learn, which are really just sharing and loving and open. And that's really ... something!

Maybe because it's a power that's so strong, that only when you're really ready for it can you share in it, so that there will never be a chance that it can be abused. I can't really see how I can abuse the things that are unfolding. They cannot be abused, because there's nothing to gain from abusing them. The first abuse is the last. You cannot abuse these powers.

Oh, wow. This really gets us off into some of the other areas, maybe some of the more frightening areas of the unknown -- of the possibilities, and indeed probabilities of abuse of powers of the unknown which have given us what we may call evil forces, devils, hell, witch-craft, forces that work against sharing and against open, and against love. Sure, this is all there, everything is there.

So if we can achieve the unlearning and the knowing and sharing that we know is there, then we also know that we must for ever and ever and ever strive to keep these powers and these secrets in a state that they can never be abused. Oh wow, oh wow, and maybe we emerge to protect our brothers ... Maybe ... I mean, we're here ... I'm a jukebox, or whatever, but I'm not sure if I am anymore. Figure that out tomorrow. But at the same time we are dealing with them and seeking a harmony and a balance that we ... .

Of course, of course, of course. We are no longer concerned with the things that are here and now, but the things that are not here and not now. We are concerned with the impossible and we deal with that. And we enter ... We don't really enter. We exit a very narrow world. We come out of the existence that was limited by all the things that limited us before, I mean, we're still here, and we're still walking around, but maybe our beings, and the power that we derive is just being used as needed as a balance for some of the abuses that have occurred ... who knows when. ... as a balance for those other forces.

And our energies, all of our collective energies and collective spirits and powers that all are so powerful together, are all needed just to hold that balance. That's pretty far out, but it's the impossible. ?

But our role at the same time in our workings, in our dealings with our brothers and sisters must still be to continually strive to recruit them to help us, and to share with us, for us to all share, and then and only then will our collective power be so tremendous, ... our collective power, ... the power of our sharing, our open, that power is sooooo tremendous that we can ... balance ?

Oh no, that can't be. I'm getting into that good and evil [thing], and ... I don't know. Do you know? I don't know. That's too simple. So ... wait a minute.

Well that's just one possible impossible, or certain impossible; however, there are infinite numbers of other impossibles, and we're gonna get into all of them, and we're gonna share them. And we are not afraid.

OK., I don't know how much time left on this tape here. Not very much. So I'm just gonna let it run out. So listen to the train.

I wrote in my book of my talk with the priest and the boy today. And tomorrow we'll see if ... . I've offered to share everything. It's really funny - three priests, right? and I've offered to share. Spoke to the one, written him a long note and we'll see. I hope we can share. I hope they can find the time to share with me, because I need to share with them. And they need to share with me. So that's what I hope will occur for us.

And then there was the old man, who, as I was walking across the mud to the train, stopped me and asked me ...

(end of side of tape)

(other side of tape)

Yeah, I guess I really can't quite stop there. Wait. Yeah, he stopped me and asked me if I knew a Scott so-and-so and I don't remember the last name, who lived in a Martinsville or some kind of far out place in Virginia. O.K., and he ... there are some strange things about this ... and ... I was in a little bit of too much of a rush to get out to the train because I thought Darrell would be there. .... Darrell shared some of the opening ... shared ... he shared with me five or 6 days ago ... and he shared with me the knowledge that openings were there and they were coming out and so I called Darrell. He was not going to be on this trip, but was coming down to meet me at 2:30. And ... I ... But he didn't show. I hope he's all right. ... So I'll talk to Darrell when I get home. So I was rushing out to the train. But the strange thing about the man is ... well ... he didn't ask me my name. Of course I had my guitar .. and just asked me if I know this person, whose name ... well it slips me now ... I should have tried to remember it ... I've heard it once when the old man said it, and I guess it's in there somewhere so if I want it to enough it will come out. But I am pretty sure that I do not know or have ever met ... I really don't think I've ever met ... you know I could be wrong, and I'd like to at least investigate it - but I don't think I've met this Scott. and ... it's just that the ... What I did want to explore, and I told the man I did want to explore that, and I was very excited about it and had some feeling that it was more of the unfolding and ... because there were just too many coincidences. Well the man said he would be on the train, and we agreed that we must talk and must discuss these things. But ... Well I guess I slept for an hour earlier ... a couple hours ... so maybe he was looking for me then and turned in early. But I really hope I see him in the morning, if for no other reason, to find out if this is a learning or unlearning experience. If it's a further exploring or opening into some of these dimensions of which we are speaking. So, please old man, if you are still on the train, please share with me tomorrow morning. Well, now it's six o'clock or a quarter to 6, share with me this morning ... whatever it is that we must share.

Now I lay me down to sleep,

I pray the lord my soul to keep.

If I should die before I wake,

I pray the lord my soul to take.

And he will ... or she will ... or it will ... or we will.

I seek an old man who sought me out

with a tale of a friend that I've never met.

Oh how could I forget his name?

I've heard it but once, but I'll hear it again

and we'll talk and we'll share.

Can't wait to discover what's waiting there, or opening there.

Suddenly my only possessions, my only physical possessions that have any value are my two notebooks and this tape. And their only value is that I share them ... with my friends, with my brothers and my sisters. And they're worth ... nothing. ... But they're the only things, of things, that have any value, besides my own being and sharing (but that's not a physical thing). And it all ties together. ... And the rest doesn't matter.

Ah yes, and before I forget, there ... the headache again ... the headache again. I guess that's three nights in a row. When I talked to Russell, when he came home, the night of the ball, Saturday night -- exploding, exploding, my head was exploding with ... with whatever was happening. But ... I did the aspirin trick and ... and then ... and then at the Hawk, when the notebook stops and the ... headache was there and then it was gone. And tonight before the 4th set ... And then after ... Hmmm ... verrry interesting.

Half hour to go so ... lets go see if the old man will ... will present himself to me, and if the three wise men have decided to ... grant me an audience? ... to share with me.

I just saw the priest and he ran away. And I just wanted to share my letter that I wrote to him with him, and he had to go shave. To get ready for his vacation. I still want to share with him. I'm not angry with him. I don't want him to be afraid. I don't want him to be afraid.

(end tape)

(Jan. 22 Afternoon)

UNLEARNING

And where did we go on this mission of knowing the all and the nothing –

when all lines are gone between known and unknown,

and the bridges are openings into beyond.

But the open, the simple is something unlearned,

and unlearning of all leaves us naked as birth.

And we'll fight it with everything learned on this earth.

So it's not quite so easy but perfectly clear,

and it's worth more than anything no matter how dear.

But we know the unlearning must be as complete as can be,

for you and for me,

for the measure of open and sharing grows as the knowing recedes,

and can only be infinite when the knowing (the images) no longer impede.

FEAR

A paradox groped with last night by myself

became not so absurd as I was sharing our wealth.

Demons and evil and witchcraft and sin

are merely the merging of lies with unknown --

of those conjured-up images still in our minds,

accidently exposed to the infinite find.

For the mood of infinity's basically good

as each man's subconscious, just the way it should be

and once again proves it perfectly clear,

that in the unknown there is nothing to fear.

UNITY OF SHARING AND UNKNOWN

With growing strength, reinforcement and clarity,

the relationship between sharing and exploring the unknown contains no disparity -

for only through sharing my being with others

have I shared the explosions when we discover

that mysteries with no sense at all

begin to make perfect sense. Damn, what a ball!

(It all fits! It's perfect!)

POWER OF THE COLLECTIVE MIND: I SHARED WITH THE PRIEST AFTER ALL

What was it last night that I found would not write?

Ah, the question of all of us being aware,

and the power unleashed if we really could share

our total of being with everyone's total,

and the paradox of seeing that many just won't let go

of all images, white lies, & innocent ploys,

when it's clear that without this we're just girls and boys.

And much of the reasons lie in the pains of unlearning.

But what does this do to dimensions of power and hope

burning and wasting in so much of all of our being?

It limits our sharing, but never our caring,

for the seeing of unity of unknown and sharing

makes it vital to strive to be maybe too daring

in giving to others what from them we've received -

even if we seem crazy or with fear we're perceived.

So the beauty unfolds right before our eyes, as we begin to realize

that the infinite really exists and it won't go away,

but will be ever more infinite with each passing day,

as we share with our brother the joys we discover,

and relieve our sister of the chains of all mister

or images of ms., mrs. or miss;

when you really get into it, it's just one big kiss.

UNITY OF INFINITIES

And our travels turn back on themselves in infinite ways

just as we discovered about seven days ago,

when first the dimensions of time were the find,

and more recently when freezing that instant tunnel across mind

and seeing we're only at the bottom of a funnel -

a pinpoint of a hole - so very narrow and often not there -

but expanding to infinite if we really could share.

And from what we know of tunnels, already proven,

of the past and the future (now you're really groovin')

we can begin to see the unity

between opening up our collective mind

and infinite dimensions of space and time.

(Shit, shit, it's so easy!)

(6:00 PM Jan 22, with lots of time in the middle for a couple cups of coffee and conversations.)

(Jan. 22 - Night)

NEGATIVITY

Still more explosions, more down to earth,

but no less real,

of the true meaning of the tranquil I feel -

of the needed unlearning of the concept of hate,

of bitter, of guilty, of being irate.

These things make no sense, and they just never did,

just images learned since I was a kid.

(More absurd than impossible ever was.)

WHAT'S LEFT?

A new frightening thought has just occurred to me.

Does this mean I must give up my personality?

Will it be left behind with all portions of mind

that were learned - thus are images - part of absurd.

Things like senses of humor, responsibility -

Really not bad, and now an inconsistency.

So as learning flows out and mysteries unfold,

how much of these things can I expect to hold?

(Jan. 23 - About 2 A.M. - tape on train):

O.K., that tape was from last night. And I really have to try to decipher that because it went pretty fast, and actually that was not really so freaky because the batteries were old and it recorded at a slower speed, and then when I play it back it's faster, I think. Anyway, we'll see what we can do about it.

O.K., first of all, some things have come out, or come in, since the last recordings. So ... chronological sequence goes back to the writing and then comes back to here. We'll have to sort that out ... Whew! ...

Oh yeah, what I wanted to do here - it's about 2 o'clock in the morning and it is what night? It is the ... 7th night of ... it is the 22nd ... Wait, I went down to Florida on the 21st, and going back, so it's very early in the morning on the 23rd. Right? Right.

Oh wow. I guess I'm supposed to take this trip again in three days? The 26th? That would be Saturday. Well, we'll see what happens. It's going very fast, and ... I've got some decisions to make and ... with your help I know they'll be right - about what to do with this job and some other things because ... there are still material concerns. Yeah, that's one of the things I wanted to talk about, and the other is equally, possibly more important, and they ... they relate ... So let me get onto that second one. ...

Questions that have been raised in the past, and will probably be raised in the future ... such things as gurus ... and the gods we make our presidents into ... that kind of thing. Although, I guess the guru thing is more relevant ... because what started out as something like trying to write a song has turned into a ... a spiritual experience that we are sharing. ... Some of us maybe aren't into it yet, but we're really sharing it. ...

But the important thing here is, O.K.,

Throughout time there have been people that we have referred to as prophets, or sons of gods ... and all this other stuff. O.K., more images.

Right? More images. We are sharing this unfolding; it is coming out for all of us in all of us by all of us. And the knowledge is simple. The knowing, the discovery is something that we all share - we all share in it. There's no secrets, no roles ... there is nothing that I know that you don't know (which is really very little ... well it's ... all and nothing. It really is.)

But this whole point is - something very important to consider, something that I think makes our realization now more beautiful than similar entrees of the past, the things that have been spoken of by so-called prophets, the only difference is that now we are prepared to face the unknown and not have to replace or insert or create anything at all. We don't have to create new images to replace the ones that are gone. Because it's so absurd to have to resort to things that are not real, to explain what we don't know. We don't know it.

There are things that we don't know. Relax with that. Get used to it a little bit. There are a lot of things we don't know. We know all kinds of things about all kinds of things, and now it is time to transcend ... use all the physical things we have learned, use all of those things in the different dimensions ... to transcend all of them, and do that with no fear or anticipation or need to have to replace them with new limits. Because we're forgetting about the limits.

That's it. Forget the limits. We have learned that there are limits. We must unlearn that. And ... relax with ... the nothing.

No answers ... no answers to the mysteries that we have previously been unable to comprehend. No answers that we can comprehend now if we feel we must have something to hold onto, or something that we can put a label on, and look up to and be comfortable with. You've got to relax with the nothing, and then the everything ... the everything begins to unfold. And it's so beautiful. So that's very important.

Something that we have to remember - it's all of us. I have had no [so-called] "visions". I'm so excited about tomorrow, of the knowing, of discovering, of being aware of the infinite; and each day and moment I'm more aware of the infinite. No, I haven't communicated through peoples' minds, and stuff like that. [But] I would hope that soon ... . Jean Dixon's in D.C., and maybe we can get together. ...

I'd like to talk to people who have had experience in all the areas of the unknown, and maybe we can share enough of our own beings so that through that we can share new infinities and break that open. For example, one friend I understand has had some frightening ... visions, or whatever. But I know that in the infinite there is nothing to fear, and we're all going to share in that, and it's all going to explode ... a million times more for all of us. And it's happening everywhere. And it's very nice.

O.K. That brings me to the other thing, and I really am not sure what to do. Now I need, everyone needs, money in this world. But I really don't see any sense in doing anything but sharing this unfolding. Right now, I can't see being the jukebox, and yet I really do love music. But I don't know if I can afford the time, even though it's really stretching out in the middle ... like I'm not really there and I really haven't experienced [the ultimate].

I guess if I was experiencing the ultimate in time right now, it really wouldn't be moving at all. But it really has slowed down; I really couldn't begin to explain how much time has passed in the last week ... but ... more than the rest of my life, and less than a moment. But ... it feels very good; it's a very comfortable thing.

O.K. The money trip. Now ... what do I do? Keep this gig? The things that I really want to, well things that I really feel I need do ... like I need to visit my grandfather, and ... share with him, and ... my mother. Mostly they need the sharing, so I should go to Chicago. ... and ... I really need to share this with Nancy, because ... I want to ... I want ... her to share it. I want ... to share, I want to share it with everybody. But ... gotta start somewhere, and in the meantime it must continue to unfold. And of course it will - through sharing. Now I gotta pay support, and I really need the equivalent of the bucks off the train for ... that, and my rent, and basics, although I think I will need less of those now than I have ever before. I know I will ... I really haven't needed that much, but ... now ... O.K., wait ... wait. But I got that house. Now I need a place, but I really don't need ... I don't know that I need that much space anymore ... and ... so should I move into the basement and rent it out, or should I sell it, or ... Oh wow, all those games, how about ... can I start a non-profit corporation and give it to it, and then let them ... I don't know. Should I just sell it? Because, these things must unfold, it must continue to unfold. I have an obligation to share everything I have and am becoming with everybody, and ... there is not much time.

I think ... I know the infinite is there and I have felt its power ... we have felt its power ... I'm gonna get off that ["we"] - that sounds too ... I have felt the power of the infinite. I have experienced it. I know it is there and I know it is infinite in all directions and dimensions - I know that. I know it and I would like to continue to explore that, at as fast a rate as I possibly can, and really experience as infinite an experience as can be experienced. And ... I really feel that we can all share and experience that infinity.

This infinity thing ... really ... surprised me, but it all seems to fit; it all fits perfectly. There are no more downs. NO MORE DOWNS. They don't ... downs don't fit. Now that's pretty nice. Right?

The other thing is that what appears to be unfolding is that this is definitely both the most exciting and the most tranquil experience ever imaginable. It really is. The exciting deals with the unknown and the tranquil deals with the known, I think. The tranquil yields answers to all the questions of the current, and then the exciting ... the infinite is ... Exciting!

Oh yeah, I think sometime soon I will try to get the bible, old and new testaments, and read them, because I think that'd probably be a good idea. I've read parts of the old testament when I was a kid, and have heard of ... parts of the new testament, but never really sat down and read either of them, so I should. And the books of Mohammed or whatever. ... all those things, because they all tie in. There are hidden clues to the unknown in all of these things ... and we'll search them all out.

Anyway, what do I do about that money trip? Do I just sell, put a for-sale sign up and sell it and ... get some money? I don't really ... well ... I don't need security anymore. I don't need money anymore. I don't need ... anything anymore ... but ... my children do. O.K., the other thing is, do I sell my wares, and take money out of it? Can I do that? There is a conflict. And something tells me that I really can't and shouldn't. Yet on the other hand ... I should. I should at least take enough to take care of ... my responsibilities to my family, and ... (if anyone will pay) ... and not be a burden on my friends, and share with them. So long as I do not abuse, which I don't think I will - I know I won't ... it's alright.

Ohhh ... That's too bad ... I really can't ... no Rolls Royce and ... no sports car ... well maybe ... maybe I can get a ten-year-old Austin Healy Sprite. But ... well I don't really need it ... need anything.

But ...those are some of the ... images that maybe I just sort of still cling to, and we've all got them. So I don't feel terrible about it. I'd like to get rid of them all. But there are some possible questions there again, which I wrote about, like the possible loss of personality or ... whatever ... .

O.K., I'm running out of tape, so ... I'm not sure what I lost on that other side, but ... try this on ... some things just came ... I'm wide awake. I don't know if it's an awake dream or a day dream or something I made up, but ... I was discussing, we were discussing ... the "surprising" or the ... I forget the words that Fred used or whoever it was ... I don't know if that was even Fred. But wait a minute ... some kind of a two year ... presidency, cycles ... something with a hundred years associating ... Don Allen of Alexandria. O.K., I guess that's sort of enough ... But whatever that is, if it is an opening it's ... very exciting, and maybe I'll try to crawl inside a little bit more later.

OK. A little bit more on a secret ... It's no secret anymore ... Stuff really didn't start to break until ... These things, all these things that we've spoken of and shared, we've all known for a long time. But I found that things didn't break open for me until I discovered that I could no longer believe them and not also live them. And then when I felt that I had a compulsion to live them, and in fact, I didn't feel that, I was compelled to live them, that's when the everything opened up. Yes.

And I swear, that's the truth. It's that simple. And I'm not that good a guy. [In fact the revelation was reaction from being called out by a friend for “a little white lie” on behalf of a buddie, her husband.] I had been just so bummed out by all the images and half-truths and scenes. So bummed out that nothing was left. But that's alright. It's great, because there's so much ...

So maybe this gives me another clue. Because (oh wow this makes so much sense) the people who need to share most are the people who are in most despair, for whom things make so little sense, because they are so close to (the nothing thus all) ... OH WOW.

It's so nice, but it's almost too logical. Maybe that's the whole great fallacy of ... everything that's coming out. It's too logical. It makes too much sense. ... But that's where it lies. And that's where it lies for me, you, and everybody ... Just think about it. Just think about it.

No more things with which you . cope. There is nothing you cannot cope with, nothing, nothing, because there is nothing crashing. It's all just exploding. Don't need ... shrinks anymore, because ... there are no more downs ... because there is nothing to be down from.

I'm just thinking about this whole thing, this ... infinity trip, and it sounds sort of nutty, even though it all makes sense. It all makes very logical sense. But ... here's the catcher. It actually works. It really does work, and we're gonna prove it. We're all gonna prove it.

(end train trip)

(Jan. 23 Early Afternoon)

Suddenly each moment is so much more

than the whole of my life and its meaning before.

And meaning is much more than meaning has ever been conceived of as being.

And being is bigger than seeing, hearing, touching and feeling.

And knowing is growing through showing this sharing we know that is real.

(Jan. 24 Afternoon)

Was the acid you've eaten a bummer, my friend

Or maybe you just weren't ready to see

that the end and beginning, infinity,

the all and the nothing (that great "mystery")

can be frightening until you comprehend

that the evil you see is in you and in me, not out there.

So beware, and look into the things that you are

before you attempt to capture a star.

I think that it's clear that those things most dear on this earth;

when their worth is not measured in gold,

but in open and pleasure, no lies being told;

have a measure which never won't fit

with unfolding dimensions of pleasure forever.

A puppy just followed me home last night,

and though I want to do what's right,

is it wrong to think that the smell and the stink

of a puppy just doesn't belong?

And the bother of caring to get all the money

for shots and for food isn't worth all the good

to this cute little, loveable ball of fluff?

Oh I guess he can stay till I've had more than enough.

And back to the limits of mind to make clear

that it makes all the sense in the world

to assume for a moment that, with any sphere of our knowing,

we've already defined the limits of going

beyond with the walls we've constructed and hold.

So of course it's now puzzling to understand why

contradictions of known have been looked at as lies.

It's true and it's real and there's no longer doubt,

and I really don't think I can argue about it with you anymore,

'cause the unknown is something we must now explore –

in every direction, through every dimension –

words no longer needed, but thoughts to be heeded.

And to benefit all, we must now hear its call.

Don't need any drugs for this fantasy trip,

'cause the trip's just as unreal as a radar blip

or a rock or a fly or the earth or the sky,

or as real as your mind and the infinite find.

I'm no psychic or shrink,

but I know what I think and I am. I'm a man,

and I spent 30 years living a plan that was never quite real, 'cause I never could feel quite relaxed

with the things that are never belonging,

the righting and wronging. So ...

(Jan. 25)

? please cool it my friend and try hard to transcend

all the images with which you try to explain,

to yourself and to me, that the things that I see

of our being aware is not something we share.

No visions, salvations or a voice from beyond,

but an opening up of dimensions I've found, with your help,

your bumming me out of the images to which I desperately clung,

of the songs that I sung,

my very last stand of hanging onto the things I had planned.

But you left me alone isolated and fearful

that nothing again would ever be cheerful.

So I looked at alone and began to discover

the things I had long shared with my brother,

but couldn't admit it to him or to me,

nor could she, nor could he, nor could we.

Stretching it out. Freezing the moment, going everywhere ...

It really doesn't matter if we do it right now,

'cause when we go to nothing, we'll still feel the power

of all at the same time. It's no mystery,

unless if you bring with you things that you're being,

'cause if you stay if down images you know very well

that it's gonna be worse than the worst kind of hell.

So there's really no hurry to share what we know,

cause it's not gonna go anywhere like a life

or a wife or the strife that we live.

So the reason I'm writing is merely to give you the power to know

you'll be able to ride anywhere you would go.

Please stop feeding our children those images, lies,

that we now know are nothing but shadows, disguises

and trouble and sin.

Please let them begin to discover that open is better

than trying to save them from things that don't matter,

and having to fight back the rest of their days

against an unneeded, ridiculous maze.

A minor correction that's plagued me about good and evil

when with friends I've encountered some doubt of my certainty

that in the infinite, evil is gone, unless we bring it along.

But I've caused that myself as I said others would

if I'm bringing out with me the concept of good.

So we'll leave that behind in the limits of mind,

and then take a look at what's left—

the excitement and tranquil of the infinite find,

the unlearning of lies for a new peace of mind,

and everything being just where it should.

So there's no need for labels, but it really feels good.

I'm starting to laugh even more at myself

and the rush I was in to start sharing our wealth,

while my friends were still crashing around in their spheres

and still measuring years.

But of course I was doing the same with my moments,

too few of which I shared with my father Max.

But I'll see him again so there's time to relax.

<Mom>

(Jan. 26)

The secret that Jesus and Mohammed found

is so strikingly simple, and still more profound

than all of the thoughts of my first 30 years rolled in one.

Sure I had fun with the wooing and screwing and rip-off and takeoff

and crashing through images that we all share ...

to the truth ... that's so simple that, once I was there,

I looked twice, then again, then in infinite ways.

And that truth will remain for the rest of my days.

With things that are real it's much harder to deal

with the person we feel is most near.

But it's clear that the secret I'm sharing will never be found

if we think that our caring to twist it around,

oh so slightly so s/he won't go crashing, has any foundation.

So break through that barrier baby ...

share a new kind of love with me ... I don't mean maybe.

MUHAMMED ALI

The power of being so positive shows

that to the infinite you've been exposed.

If you know who you are, what you are, with no questions,

you've begun to explore the unknown dimensions of being, of seeing.

No stopping, no copping out.

Keep going friend, 'cause there's really no end.

(Thank you Steve Conners and Muhammed Ali)

PRIDE

Throw away pride, 'cause there's nothing to hide behind.

But you won't fall. You can always stand tall,

because the pride you've been hiding behind is a wall that you've built –

like a quilt when you're cold that's removed when you're old.

So why wait? Of course it'll never be too late, silly goose,

but it's simple to pass through it loose.

(To Stuart (Long?), Joe Frazier, Nancy, Rita, and other friends)

I just gave to a narcr my past few days,

'cause I wanted to share the stupid maze

that I've come from, we've come from,

I know that for sure. And we're sharing with everyone –

no one's so good or so bad that I can't be glad

to discover a brother that's willing to share,

on whatever the level, because they all come together,

regardless of whether the things that we're doing agree or do not.

'Cause if I don't try, I'm just a dumb snot.

<Janie>

(Jan. 27)

Were you trying to bum me out friend when you said:

"Some people must crawl before walking or running"?

Should we turn that around to discover the sound

of a much better feeling than running and burning -

the needed unlearning of running and walking

through talking and sharing and loving and caring -

the lessons of puppies and children and kittens,

before they're polluted with lies and gold mittens.

ZORRO

And what shall we do for a name for this dumb little puppy

who still hasn't learned that it's smarter to hate and to fear

than to simply be cheerful.

He was out in the night when the full moon was bright,

with no mask or defenses.

He didn't know fences were sensible, needed,

and signs to be heeded.

He was just all alone, and he didn't know home

wouldn't be where he'd be if he came home with me.

So he's here, and I'm here,

And he's sharing his open, and I'm no longer coping

with questions of whether he fits anymore. Oh ?

I guess all the things that I saw that were me made it clear

we're both Zorro ... and Zorro is here.

I can never “belong” to a woman, or man for that matter,

that clatter we've heard

when we're learning the word that is love.

But it's silly to put all that strain on the other,

and when we discover that loving is sharing -

no not 50-50, though it used to sound nifty,

but totally giving, yes giving your all,

all the time, being open -

then ridiculous promises never are broken,

and there's no longer guilty or the words Uncle Milty

would say, and we'd break up: "I'm sorry - lets makeup."

How can you leave one wife for another

when brother it's clear that you're gonna discover

you're still changing partners, but nothing is changing.

You're merely exchanging an old for new picture.

Behind both is a life that you share more than differ.

But the differ we see - the ugly, the pretty,

and we'll get what we want if we're clever and witty,

and better and brighter, a gold propane lighter.

It's not quite so easy to see that the differences, maybe severe, have no value like better or worse. It's so clear

that beyond any picture is that infinite find.

So if one is your number there's nothing to fear

if you stay with the one that once was so dear.

But only if both can be totally open

and really get into the collective mind.

And suddenly every girl you've ever dreamed of is rolled up in one.

What a find!

(Jan. 28 Early A.M.)

The story you are about to hear is absolutely true. The names have not been changed to protect the innocent, for we are no longer so pretentious as to believe we are doing anyone any favors by protecting them from the truth. Moreover, if anyone would allow themselves to be protected by lies, they are no longer innocent. P.S. Grammar is no longer relevant.

An important correction has entered our mind. Although no one can ever steal the infinite find, we must still take care that the things that we share will yield maximum pleasure to all. So we've just made a call to the copyright office and forms are coming. I hope I'm not bumming you out now or ever, but the measure of whether I really am straight will be clear as my year of awaken keeps breaking. Love always, and I really mean it. Really.

Jan. 28 Day

CHILD'S BOOK NO. 1

DADDY

This is my Daddy. I don't know if he's stronger than yours, but I know he's not better. But your daddy's not better either. I think they should be friends, and the stronger one should help the other one. Because if he doesn't, he's stupid. And if they fight, they're wasting energy. And we've all heard about the energy crisis.

HOME

This is my house. People used to call houses castles, but that didn't make any sense because castles were things people made up in their world to keep out other people they thought were their enemies. But people are really all friends unless they don't want to be. So my house isn't a castle because I think it's dumb to waste my energy hating people, and I want them all to be friends. My house is a place to let in friends.

DOG

This is my dog. Isn't he cute? He is my friend. I'm glad you like my dog. Hey, it's really nice you like him et alenough to want to take him and keep him. But he[s not mine to gove. We share my house and he's my friend, but I really don't own him. But you're our friend too, so you can share my dog. If you'll promise to be gentle and not to try to teach him lies like hate, I'm sure he would like to spend the nite with you, or the weekend sometime. OK?

CANDY BAR

This is my candy bar. I used to be afraid to share it with you, because I was afraid there wouldn't be enough left for me. But I'm not afraid anymore because I know you will share whatever you have with me. And if you don't have anything to share with me right now, that's OK. I'm really glad we have this candy bar we can share.

CAR

This is my car. It can go pretty far pretty fast.

But I know it won't last quite as long as a song or as friends.

So I'll give you a ride, if you'll sit by my side.

And there's nothing to hide 'cause the ride never ends.

###

Privacy

I'll say it again as I've said it before.

There is nothing private anymore

if you really want to begin to explore.

'Cause I now know what happens when a man dies,

but it's happening now if we open our eyes.

So privacy must be a thing of your past.

And I'm not the first

and I won't be the last one to slip this to you,

'cause it's all really true.

(Jan. 29)

Please don't be afraid of more love than I've ever known.

It's you that helped me find my way.

Before we met, I'd been blown away.

You helped me stand, and made me whole

with your being open.

Oh, I thought the game you were playing was pretty dumb,

but so was mine.

You helped me know there was no sin

except for lies, so I could begin

to see it's more than lose and win --

so we're closer now than we've ever been.

Lets turn the unfolding around my friend,

and assume we began from the end that we're seeking,

with no need for speaking.

'Cause the open we're sharing is total - we two.

But I suddenly find that something in my mind

might be just a little bit too much to open to you.

So our touch has been broken

for there's now a wall where once there was open.

Careful words must be spoken - so I won't offend a true friend?

Thanks for the book that you want me to read

& its lessons to heed, for they meant much to you.

I need to take down as much of the boundaries between us I possibly can.

And the man that I am may be less than I was,

but we're growing through knowing we're caring to share.

For each one it must come as it will.

There's no pill you can drop to unlearn.

You keep burning the candle

and then when it's down, get another.

But one day you run out my brother,

and off to the store & discover

there's none that will fit in the holder

you've spent all your life growing.

Older, you see that the candle that kept you from strife

with its brightness

had clouded the light of the night that you fear

and the might that is here.

Crawl

My mouth is sore from my running it more than I should,

for the louder I talk, the faster I walk.

So by slowing it down to a sensible sound, ever slower,

the knowing is going, then gone.

So I'm learning to crawl.

Soon I'll no longer call out to you

at the top of the sound that I knew,

but in silent dimensions of powerful volume as clear as the dew

and as strong as the dawn.

(Jan. 30)

You will find the keys to starting to ride

if you look at the things you're trying to hide,

or the fears that you have

about learning of things that you don't want to know.

So just keep the door shut, and a'crashing you'll go

'gainst the walls you erect

and use to protect you and your friends from being together,

and seeing that whether you like it or not,

you'll always have another shot.

There's nothing that shouldn't be faced if you're open,

and thinking rather than hoping you're doing what's right.

For example, abortion. Is this really killing, or are we unwilling to see that the life here is just what we make it.

To take it before it's exposed to the lies

is merely to let it remain in the skies and the nothing and all. If this saves on the strife of a physical life,

could it ever offend the beginning and end, the infinite find,

the collective mind?

The prettiest legs and the prettiest faces unlearning erases.

But still there are traces I see and I feel.

I know they're not real, but they really are holding my total unfolding,

my coming together with everyone

whether the images fit. So I still give a shit

for ridiculous things just as dumb as gold rings

and my friends who I'm singing to hoping to share.

But it's going away as with each passing day

a bit more of my hiding spins off of my riding.

My writing is doing so much more than screwing could ever have done,

so I know I've begun.

I'm not sure anymore if I care to explore

all the outer dimensions in every direction.

'Cause it's all just unlearning, and then when I'm through,

I'll be back where I started, I know now it's true.

Right back to nothing, and you know it too.

So maybe you're better with a new cashmere sweater

than I am reciting this book that I'm writing.

But I'm no longer fighting the worst and the best,

and from this day forward I know I can rest.

The unfolding is over, not before it began,

but the very same instant, according to "plan".

The theory's down and I know it works,

and I'm pretty sure we've all been jerks.

So now it's time for you and me

to put to use what seems perfectly clear -

so the blind can see and the deaf can hear,

and the cripple will walk and the mute will talk

if we open our mind to the infinite find

and realize we've all been blind.

(Feb. 1 Audio Tape; first transcribed Fall 2008)

OK. Ok my friends, brothers and sisters. Hmmm. ... I’m not going anywhere. I’m going to be here tomorrow. I’m going to be here for a long time, and start to live out my dreams. And I hope we can share all of them together. I think we’re entering a very exciting age.

Just in case, I’d like to put down a few thoughts that I think are very important. We’ve got a lot down, over the last couple of weeks. And today’s the first time, since the 16th, when I have slowed down my explosions a little bit, and stopped to take a look at what really is going on. And what we have. And what the future holds. And I’m tremendously excited.

I’m excited for some music -- which I’ve not yet even put down on tape. I played some for Joannie today, and played some for some other people at times, most of which I’ve yet to finish. And then, of course, my poetry, or whatever it is, unfolding, the whole wierd trip that I’ve gone through for a couple of weeks, which nonetheless was very real.

But I want to get off on something else now, which all does tie in. And ... hopefully we’ll have the chance, we’ll have the time to see this stuff unfold more for all of us. It ... They all tie together.

Let me just drop back on this infinity trip that I’ve been on, which ... , again one more time, has not been drug-induced, it has not been vision induced, it was merely an exposure to the infinite, to the everything and the nothing, which is beyond all the limits that we know in the conscious.

One problem that I have in going out into the unknown, impossible, infinite, what shall we call it? It’s all those things ... the nothing. I’ve referred to it as infinite find, a collective mind, whatever it is. When I go out, I guess I am ? something ... what might be called a medium, or something like that. I only go out with whatever I go out with; however, unfortunately, or fortunately, most of the images, most of them, I no longer have any credence with, and so when I do go out, I am pretty certain that it is both the nothing and the everything. And at the same time, however, it is a collective mind, a collective being, which we all share. And I’ve already told you how I got there. It was just by being totally open on the conscious level, and I sudddenly found myself there.

And since then, I’ve continued to unfold, and I have looked into every question that has come up to me, and analyzed it. And it has taken me to some wierd places, but none of which I’m displeased with. I’ve gone back a few times and reexamined them. And they needed further clarification, undoubtedly, but nonetheless, it does all fit. this is a fantastically perfect, logical universe, if you will.

Well, most of this stuff is written down. At times I look at it, and it seems a little bit nutty. But I’m pretty sure it’s not. At least, nothing that I’ve encountered thus far has not fit. And let me emphasize one more time: It opened up for me when I decided, or was compelled or whatever, to no longer be involved in the perpetration of even the slightest of deceits, of which I was aware. I still do sometimes, but to the extent that I can I’m pretty much getting over them. And of course the people that you’re closest with ... Those are the roughest ones, because those are the people that you have something to hide from, or they have things that you don’t want to know, so there’s a wall there.

I touched on this in some of the writing. Let me just sort of sum it up. I am certain now that the mind is a continuum from, if we might, from zero to the infinite. And at somewhere, at the infinite for certain, or beyond the limits that we comprehend, or normally comprehend, there is a collective mind that we all share. Now, when I go out, when I have gone out, I have gone out pretty clean, and I find there’s nothing to fear out there. ... there’s everything out there; the power is tremendous; but also there is nothing out there. So I’m just sort of hit with this power. I’m not sure exactly where I want to go with it.

I’m pretty certain that I’m going to have to travel with other people, whether we’re going to the stars or we are exploring some of the mysteries of science, or mysteries of sound, or whatever. But one thing is pretty clear to me now, that once we do transcend the limits of the conscious mind, we are at once, if we can properly focus ourselves out there, we are at once exposed to infinities of mind, space, time and other things that we have not yet begun to comprehend.

What I would like to suggest at this point is that the breakthroughs we are looking for in all of these various fields, the secret is very close. I would like to suggest that by opening up ourselves to the infinite, to the collective mind, we will transcend all of the things that we presently comprehend in all of the various sciences. We will find that the social sciences and physical sciences do all come together, religion and all the sciences come together, life on earth, and life not on earth. They all fit. They all fit very well, and they are no longer mysteries. Now I have not yet begun to explore these ... . Well, on the other hand, I have. There are certain things that we can be certain of, that once we get out there, that it’s all there. So it’s just a question of opening ourselves up to that.

Let me pose an example of an experiment that I would hope to conduct in the very near future, and hope to conduct it successfully, which I hope will lead the way to solving the problem of what we presently term as blindness. It’s theoretical now, but I’m pretty certain that we will find a solution through this mechanism. I’m not talking about a new type of mechanical eye, or “this, that or the other thing”, although eventually it may come to that. to really lick it for the individual affected.

The experiment that I would propose is fairly simple. And it will be a controlled experiment in that I am seeking a specific type of unsighted individual, an individual who has had sight in the past, and can clearly recall what that sight was like, but now is by all standards, legally and totally, physically, medically, etc., blind. He no longer has sight. The nerve endings are dead, or whatever.

The individual is also one who, since he has been blinded, or has lost his sight, has experienced psychic phenomena, or mental telepathy, whatever, but to the extent that he has in fact in his mind seen something that was going to occur or that occurred at that moment, and he saw it through somebody’s else’s eyes.

OK, now, we have heard of these things happening. They do happen. They are very real in terms of people seeing something through somebody else’s eyes. Of a person sitting in, for example, Detroit, Michigan, seeing an earthquake in, make up a place, Venezuela, a week before it occurred. But actually seeing it, and seeing what happened. I’m looking for a person who has been blind for a while who has seen this type of phenomenon, OK? That person has been exposed to what I have termed in my writing as the instant tunnel between the minds. OK? But they have actually seen it. Alright.

As I have suggested before, this is not a tunnel, not a freak of nature, it’s the real thing. And for some reason, this person has been exposed to the infinite, or collective mind, or whatever, which has carried through time, space and mind into the braincells which are still functioning, which can still “see”, if the impulses come there in a proper fashion. OK?

So in fact this person has “seen”, and has transcended what we customarily call limits of mind, time and space. I would like to discuss with this person my theories on why, how in fact, these infinities do come together, [and] that the phenomenon that he or she did see is not a freak, but merely an exposure of what is very accessible. And then in some fashion attempt to open up our respective awarenesses to each other, so that in a controlled situation this person can see through my eyes.

Now, I’ll explain the experiment a little more in depth, but first let me make it clear -- this is not giving that person sight. This is demonstrating that the secret, a secret, for providing sight for an unsighted person exists strictly through the mind. And this will merely point the way for more medical research into this area, and into other areas as I will explain later.

Now, the concept we are dealing with here is [that] we will conceptualize, picture this person and I sitting across the room looking at each other. Of course, he is not looking. He cannot see. I will open up my total awareness and venture out into the nothingness. ... I don’t know if I could do it. If this person is equally convinced of the powers of the infinite, this person may also be able to do so. I’m not sure how we’re gonna do this, but let me just lay down the concept.

So we’re sitting there, each one of us in our spheres of knowing, our spheres of the conscious, of what is possible. I open up my conscious, and leave an opening, and hold it open, and I’m staring at the other person. He opens his up, and climbs into his instant tunnel of mind, which he knows already exists, out into the infinities of time, space and being, or mind.

Of course we don’t have to worry so much about time, because it’s sort of an instant thing. We’ve got to cross a little bit of space, but he’s already done that in any case. And we’ve got to cross a little bit of mind, but he’s done that anyway. But here he has a wide opening, through which he can then enter my mind, see himself through my eyes.

So -- a fairly simple concept: Two spheres, each one of them were closed. We open them up, I leave mine open. He opens his up, leaves his open, comes out his opening, through infinities of mind, time and space, and into my opening and sees himself through my eyes. He can’t see me. He can’t see me any better than I can see myself. He can only see me if I look in a mirror. Then he can see me.

It’s sort of that simple. Picture two spheres, erase the top of each of these spheres, outside of each of these spheres is an infinity of all different dimensions, we channel that. .. dimension. We’re talking about dimensions of sight. [He] crawls out, crawls back into mine, or slides out or zips out or whatever, and can see himself.

OK, that’s the concept. I will begin to look for such an individual hopefully tomorrow. I think the same thing will hold true for a deaf person, except that I’m not that adept a conversing with a deaf person, so that may be more difficult. So I think we’ll probably start with a person who is unsighted, but we’ll get into the deaf too. Well, we’ll see. Maybe we’ll do both at the same time. Well, not simultaneously, but sessions here and there. I think that I’ve already proved in my writing that this will work. But of course, we are men of science, and we must prove this more graphically.

And again, I’m not sure if this just can be done sitting down, although I sort of think it can. I sort of think it can. He’s gonna have to do most of the work. Possibly we may need, when we get into this a little bit more, we may want to induce something, through drugs or hypnosis, or a combination of both, which is a possibility. I don’t think we should totally throw that out. I think we have the technology to do it. It’s fairly simple technology. But somehow we want to channel that, out and back in. That simple.

And of course the test for scientific men will be, I will be reading something at random, give me a book, give me a picture, and my opposite number will describe that, in detail, every bit as well as I can, because he will be seeing that.

Now, let us say this will work with the blind man, [and that] this will work with the deaf man. What does this open up? Well it opens up new paths for research. It tells us of course, it tells everybody else, it can be done. I already know it can be done.

And we can do the same thing with a man who has gone off into outer space, through meditation or whatever. This person opens up his awareness, I open up mine, we travel together and share the trip. Now if I were more knowledgeable, in terms of space, we could describe everything. So ideally we want to take a scientist with us, who knows about these things, and we can travel anywhere we want, as far away as we want, and stay as long as we want, and we don’t have to be gone that long. So think of all the money that we’re going to save, in rocket ships and those types of things. We can travel millions of light years away, in an instant, because we can go infinitely fast, infinitely fast. And explore a lot of different galaxies in a short period of time, once we get it together, once we start going, we can go anywhere, for as long as we want, in almost no time at all. Very, very exciting.

But I think we’ll start down to earth, and we’ll try to demonstrate this principle through the blind man. I think this will pretty much demonstrate what most of us are already pretty sure of anyway. That in a pretty short time we will be communicating totally through the minds. The secret of that is fairly simple also. But to do so we have to be totally, totally open on the conscious level. And the reason is fairly simple. If we do assume that the mind is an infinite, between zero and infinity, and I am totally open to your being, you are totally open to mine, the moment that there is something that you do not want me to know, you will put up a wall. And the moment there is something that I don’t want to know of your being, I will put up a wall. I suggest that in fact this is what we have, merely walls which need not be there, and they are walls that can be taken down. But to do so we must be totally open on the conscious level.

And [this] may also suggest that this is exactly what our quote saviours and prophets were really talking about, unless if they were attempting to set themselves up as new gods, which I really don’t know. I haven’t read that much about them. I’m not sure. I’m pretty sure this was not the case with Jesus and with many other people who got into this number. With others, I’m not so sure. I don’t really understand how anybody could call themselves a guru, if in fact as somebody told me today that a guru means leader or something like that. That’s pretty pretentious, and I think, pretty stupid, because the secret is very simple, and no one can really be a leader in this, because no one really has learned this in and of themselves, nor have I. Nor will you. It’s something that we have all participated in.

And for my self, as far as I’m concerned, if I found that the secret of going out of my conscious into the infinite was to lie, to steal, to cheat, to get everything I can and to lay a big bundle in the bank, and rip off everybody, then you better bet your sweet ass that is exactly what I would be doing. But unfortunately, or fortunately, that is not the case. On a totally conscious level, and without any artificial help, and all that stuff, I’m afraid you can only get into it if you’re totally open on the conscious level, and you’re not fooling yourself. Because the walls that you’re keeping up are limiting your own being and your own awareness.

OK, now once we can demonstrate this in one of the fields of science, or whatever, we can readily see its application to the others. It clearly points the way that the research money that we are spending, in terms of research in various fields, might be better spent getting into some of this number.

And I’m not even sure that when this experiment is successful (which will probably occur in my lifetime, I hope I can take part in it, if not it doesn’t matter, it’s still going to work), when this experiment with the blind man is successful, it’s still not going to give the blind man sight. However, it will prove that he can share the sight of other people, if they open their awareness to his. I think that’s a very exciting thing.

In other words, the blind person can go with a date or a wife or a friend to the park, to the country, and can partake in all the beauty, equally, in fact, exactly, and can share in that, if they can both open their beings to each other. So even for that reason, I guess it’s exciting enough. Or he can read a book with me; we can both get into it, both get into it at the same time. And that’s pretty exciting too. Or we can both go to a movie. And that’s pretty exciting too. Same goes for the deaf man.

If it works in this case, take a friend who has in fact gone out in outer space, through meditation or dreams, or whatever, has actually been there. OK, if we can do what we have done with respect to the blind man, then of course we can travel with our friend to outer space and explore together. That’s pretty exciting.

At the same time, this same number has laid down the foundation for all of our great religions. The very simple secret of being open on the conscious level, leading you to the subconscious, or the collective mind, which is a very powerful force, which might be called a god or gods, or whatever, very powerful, very beautiful, a very beautiful experience.

Through this [experience] we find unfolding an almost perfect code for human behavior, [and] for answering the questions of what, why, when that we have been plagued with in terms of our everyday dealings and our human behavior. And over the years or year or however long it is going to take to unfold, we will see a total merging of the physical and the social sciences, and a total merging of what we previously called science and religion. Baby, they all fit together, and it’s phenomenal.

It’s not really new. I wonder how many people in looney bins are there because they have felt the same thing and couldn’t handle it or didn’t get support. How many of us are afraid, afraid that somebody else might call us a kook, about something we know is so real. I suggest we must begin to explore these facts, I know now that they are facts, and begin to channel them. And we begin to transcend what we have heretofore comprehended only as limits in all of these various fields.

[Song (Passing Through) written November 1973]

On you way my friend, cause the world is closing in. You’ve been crying, and dying, cause you really don't fit in. So you met someone that’s warm, but you’re losing if you win. So off you go.

You’ll never know what it’s like to be relaxed with what you’ve got and what you know, who you are and what you feel and why it’s hard to let it show. So keep burning and learning. Now it’s time for you to blow right out the door.

You’ve learned once more, that a man’ll spend his lifetime searching for some peace of mind. But you pass each smiling doorway like a fool. Or are you blind? Then you run around in circles, never knowing what you’ll find.

And you’ll find that everything is changing, but it’s always still the same. While you’re living you are dying, hardly trying to play the game. You’ll never know the answers, but the questions still remain. But not you.

You’re passing through, through the visions and the dreams, images and schemes to put it all together in a life that really means what you are, and are becoming, but somehow it always seems to slip away. Another day.

And a man’ll spend his lifetime searching for some peace of mind. But you pass each smiling doorway like a fool. Or are you blind? Then you run around in circles, never knowing what you’ll find. And you’ll find ... another day. Another day. So on your way. ...

(Feb. 1, 1974)

Notes:

Vanity - ugly lip.

See Zorro Lessons in Big Book (Dog Trng. - Paper to places to paper to outside. Same goes for people: learn - paper; unlearn - ; learn outside. Capability always there, humans and dogs.

One-day old infant can be given knowledge of Einstein (and can comprehend), and Michaelangelo, and Leonardo DaVinci, etc., all at the same time, except without any limits, because he comes at it from the other direction.

Prophets, Jesus, Mohammed, etc.: Did they really comprehend? Or replace with new images? Did they really merely discover the opening of conscious to subconscious, feel the power, fear it to a degree, give it a name, but know the key for you and me?

So how do we go backwards -- zero to infinite -- to worthwhile knowledge which will enhance physical life?

Start from real differences -- preferences, e.g., me - music, etc.; Diane - art, etc.; each one a lot of things, some overlap, but not all; most don't.

Mentally ill, retarded -- limitation on ability to learn, but how about from other direction?

Heredity v. environment, differences v. learning; physical capability to express collective mind.

Is the idiot closer to the infinite, because there is less to unlearn? How about capabilities in areas unexplored, or dimensions undiscovered? He is no longer a freak. He is a challenge to us, a true 100% brother, who we must help, not pity, help to discover his preferences and live them.

I no longer feel pity for the blind, deaf or cripples.

The blind man need not hear the ripples of whispers: "He's blind."

"That's so sad; he's not bad looking."

"Right, and he's bright; it's not right if he only could ..."

Dumb, we're so dumb. What a bummer to do on a brother,

just another good friend to the end and beginning,

an infinite being we're judging on seeing.

The cripple is he who feels sorry for self,

and hangs or puts others aside on a shelf,

with the pity and pretty and self-righteous zeal,

and perceptions of better, which never are real.

I just tore up a dollar bill.

Is this really such a bitter pill to swallow?

(Feb. 12)

Need we wallow in the story of the glory of a million,

when we're buying only money, and a honey isn't worth a damn

and friend is not a friend, if a dollar can transcend

and be the measure of a man.

So roll yourself a dollar bill.

Then burn a quarter to a half, and walk into a bank and laugh

and get another. Feed a brother

or buy yourself a drink,

'cause you're richer than you think.

I've crashed too. So fuck you.

(Feb. 2)

If you had to decide tonight if you'd be inclined to give up your sight, or an arm or your hearing, if the beauty that you perceive is real and not just as the others feel, which one of the three would keep you more free?

Write Scientfic American, re listing in Writers' Digest, to ask for clarification of what "professional science" is. Person using logic and all means at disposal to transcend limits of known technology, etc.

(Feb. 3)

People still will sell their time. We place a value on, or will give away, all possessions, but time. But that can be bought.

At this point, feeling so good about my work, and hoping to preserve my health, and considering that my medical insurance would soon expire when divorce was executed, I made an appointment at GWU to register at the clinic preparatory to getting a physical examination.

Initial Office Visit, setting up for Physical Exam:

(Feb. 4)

I'd rather drive a cab than be dragging other people down,

(Feb. 10)

or waiting for a bell to ring or man who thinks he's king

and wants to bring me to believe the thing he has to sell is swell

and real enough for me to feel impressed and want to dress OK.

so he might cast his power my way

and I might glow in the bright shadow

of a better thing, a greater being.

But a shadow's what it is, and I'm not buying nor trying

to beat a rap unless it's bum.

And if it sticks with better-worse,

it can come - but bring a hearse.

Feb. 4, misc. notes:

Government ads (PS - Vols., eye test, etc.) should have phone #; people don't bother to write.

-- Ugly lip

-- Fight at hockey game

-- Center for Study of Psychiatry, D.C., Dr. Peter Bragan

(Feb. 5)

All the years I did my music, never thinking it was good enough

to push with all I had, and it wasn't all that bad.

Still I was never satisfied, but figured maybe someday

it would come out just the right way - as it should -

and would be good.

Then it started coming out

and there was not the slightest doubt that it was me.

And I don't care if you declare

it's poor as hell, will never sell.

That's not my game. I know my name.

And if my work all sounds the same, that's 'cause it's me,

and it should be what I am. And now I'm free.

Notes: Bio-feedback; Dr. Brown, California; hypnosis; lower body temperature for control of disease.

(Feb. 7 - Feb. 8, early AM)

MOTHER

Help my mother my dear brother.

She's not dumb. She's going to come together.

But the weather isn't right,

and the light's a little dim.

It's no whim, it's her life --

a wife whose husband's gone,

leaving her all alone;

doesn't know if her home is where she's at or where she's been.

Never win. It's a game, and the rules are what we make:

(Feb. 12)

The give and take, go buy a rake, another quake?

For goodness sake!

We're passing through, so what to do?

And what's this fool world coming to?

A tit for tat? It's where we're at. And where we sat,

and that is that.

(Feb. 7-8)

Ye dumb fucking religious ass,

ye who can't see the green from the grass,

and all that jive

on Channel 5.

Why try to keep me in the 19th century, when we're both in the 21st. I might have been your first, but I won't be your last. And I'm not your total future and I'm not your total past.

(Feb. 8)

Music - spacy classical.

Feb. 10

[honky-tonk, jazz]

ANYTIME THING

Not another sometime thing -

Give a call, spend the nite. It ain't bad, it's alright.

Well, it's nice, it's warm, it's real.

We touch, we feel, we're friends,

and there's no ends and no disguise.

But not tonite. No we never fight,

but the feeling isn't right ...or even there.

Maybe tomorrow; tonight beware, but

But not another alltime thing -

Gotta walk, want to balk,

'cause the roof on the highs and the sky's

just a foot above your eyes -

a drag, a drain, like a freezing rain.

How about an anytime thing?

It's always right, anytime. Day or night,

'cause the opening grows the more each knows

the inside of the other - a sister and a brother

with no need to speak for missing a week,

or an hour or a year,

and never a tear except those of joy of a girl and a boy.

(Feb. 11, 2am)

EVOLUTION

We have already reached the stage - and have been there for at least several thousand years - where our mind has been capable of comprehending and exploring infinite dimensions of dimensions.

We cling to many animal traits and have socialized them through our common capabilities and recognition of shared "humanness" -- the ability to "reason"?.

And yet our brain has advanced already to the stage where we can transcend them. These images, emotions, hates, goals, even the need for survival -- all are real if we feel them, and we do. But if we are merely a combination of animal instincts and learned behavior, we are merely trained animals.

We transcend that animal. More on this later, but I know:

(1) Exposure to the infinite, the all and nothing, is a rational process - total open on the conscious level and we're there.

(2) This knowledge has been around for who knows how long - at least as long as what we recognize as "modern religions". Their foundations are:

(a) exposures to the infinite in the past.

(b) recognition that openness on the conscious level was necessary to experience this, or at least did get you out there, and

(3) The animal in us tells us that this great "unknown" needs a name - so we've called it a "God" or whatever. Those who have been exposed have been labeled as "sons of God" or "prophets", or such other terms, when they knew and tried to tell us it was right there for all of us - and it is.

Bit it's not a god or gods -- it's the all and nothing, the infinite, waiting for fantastic and exciting exploration. And we're so ready. We can make that choice.

It seems so hard to not tell lies –

but gets so easy once you've felt the highs.

All the things my mother taught me ...

The pagans with their idols and their shrines

and robes and scrolls and think they're fine,

and live with sin and sacramental wine and Monday schools,

insulting rules of nation, science, religion. ... fools.

Well - in a year, decade, maybe more,

we'll look back and laugh at all the horror, all the war,

all the rage, and know it's been a long dark age,

and we're coming out.

I want so much to shout it louder, Louder, LOUDER.

I'm the doubter.

And the darkest ages known before will fade into the one we're in.

And we'll laugh together till we're sore,

that it took so long to just begin.

(Feb. 11, 1974)

OPEN

Open is the key that opens to the kingdom of the brotherhood of man –

if you could only understand that there is no “plan”.

It's just the evolution of all man

to where he parts with instinct hearts,

and passive eye that's taught to cry.

For something has grown inside our heads.

For years we've read of visions treating brothers

who were truer than the others.

But the truer were never meant as better than the others.

The truer 's just the knowledge that OPEN is the key,

and the vision's just infinity,

the all and nothing. What a find,

for we can get there with our mind.

Right now.

That's right! Give up the fighting over nothing and against the open.

Then there's no more praying, no more hoping.

Just use your key, unlock the door, and we’ll exit into evermore,

and then we'll go explore the everything outside this core.

(Feb. 12, early AM)

Hi Mom

(Song: March/Honky-tonk)

G A9-3 Am

When your mother comes to visit, don't you hide the dope.

C C D

Just remember, she's the one that told you "Don't lose hope,

G Gmaj7 G6

never sneak, cause God'll peek."

C A9-3 Am

So roll it up, don't wait a week.

[Insert Verse:]

G A9-3 Am

Don't ever hide a thing from your mother,

D7 C D7

even if it makes your mother cry.

G A9-3 Am

She doesn't have to ride with you brother,

D7 C D7 G D7

but never ever tell the gal a lie.

G A9-3 Am

And look into your empty rack,

C D Bm

then go invite your girlfriend back.

Em Am

She never should have had to pack,

cause a good boy never does a thing behind his mother's back.

[Insert Verse]

And ask your mom to stay awhile -

A9-3 Am

of course you're not the same.

You're off the hobby horse of style,

but would really like to keep your name.

It's not a game, it's not a fad,

and being happy isn't bad.

[Modulate, Insert Verse] [kazoo chorus] [Insert Verse].

A B9-3 Bm E7 A E7 A B9-3 B7 E7 A

[Chords (transpose to G & integrate above)

(1) C Dm F G

C Cmaj7 C7 F Dm

(Verse) C Dm6 G7 C G7

C Cmaj7 C7 Dm6-7 G7 C

(2) C DM F G Em Am Dm G

(3) C Dm --- F G G# A

D Em6^Em A D A ]

The goddess of love is a fraud of a dove.

(Feb. 12)

Don't let the bastards grind you down.

Their grinding - that's their problem.

You let them - and it's yours.

So get up off all fours and let them scrub their own floors.

(Feb. 13)

PRIORITIES [song; barbershop, bells, whistles]

How important is it what you’re doing?

Is it really what you want to do?

Really getting off on what you're doing?

Wouldn't you rather go on out and woo

the pretty lady that you dreamed of,

E C#7 A

on the mountain that you never climbed,

Go G#o E Eb D C#

and revive forgotten dreams lost in ill-begotten schemes

F# B7 E B7

that you used to pass your B-S and your time?

Are you really digging what you're doing?

Convinced yourself that you have found your niche?

Does it really go beyond the payday,

and don't you really sort of got the itch

to act your schemes, to live your dreams - no waiting.

The only thing that's waiting is a ditch.

If it's coming in a year instead of what you fear,

would you really "sir" the boss and face the bitch?

So are you digging just a ditch or are you burning,

searching for the meaning till you cry?

Remember that you're making what's a-breaking,

and don't forget that soon you're gonna die.

There's just one chance to dance and dig this beauty,

so ask yourself before you do your duty:

Are you afraid to even try? Aren't you afraid that if you don't,

that you won't and that you'll always wonder why?

(alternate/original endverse)

And see the revolution that's divined by evolution against any institution that's a lie.

So you're feeling good about me.

Don't be puzzled if I doubt you.

Is your feeling just too frantic and too fleeting to be real?

And tho I'd feel just like a heel if I didn't come or call,

please don't back me to the wall.

Invite another to the ball.

(Feb. 14 P.M.)

The coins in the well - is it happiness you're buying?

Aren't you getting tired of trying?

Does the sign that's selling wishes telling of the starving children that you're feeding really say it?

Still you play it like your wish is what you're needing,

and the feeding's just a tangent

'cause the needing's what you feel.

Both are real, 'cause when you wake up

and give your head a shake up, no more breakup, no more makeup,

just a growing of the flowing,

then the feeding's what you're needing.

Celibacy - real reasons

- not work with people as more important, but inability of people to comprehend humn behavior of priest - priest fucking around - no good - very conceited decision. contract with god? Mature men when ordained? confession?

Home - don't live here anymore

(Sunday, Feb. 17)

You're wrong if you're doing what you don't think that you should because it really isn't good to do a number on yourself

and keep it hanging on the shelf

instead of coping with it openly -all tangents, repercussions

and frustrating discussions

that are needed to explain that you're not running from the rain and all the pain,

but looking to the sun and the freedom that we've won,

so there's no more need to run.

(Feb 18, 1974)

How we've grown; the year: 1990

Way back in 1974, people still played games against each other. Now of course we only play games with each other, and explore and explode together. This is a short course on reviewing some of the funny ways we used to waste our energy on and against each other.

(Monday, Feb. 18, 1974)

I did the dope and you've got the munchies,

which is really together 'cause you're a bit thin.

And if I'd eaten those fries, I'd begin to expand in the middle.

So although it's just a little thing, it's still a sign that we're doing fine.

And that wine we were drinking when we first started thinking

about sharing our minds was really the best way

to invest our time and space out our day.

(Tuesday Feb. 19)

Space it out baby.

Time's not wasting if you're tasting each moment,

and spacing it out without any doubt about

being together with time, space and other dimensions, directions.

No sorry reflections of being apart

from the flowing you're feeling.

No dealing in dying or moments you're trying

to capture or others you might manufacture.

So space it out, stretch it, expand and enjoy it.

Remember, you planned to avoid the annoyances.

So look at the plans that you put on the shelf,

then pull this one off and start digging yourself.

The physical pleasures will stay in the grave

so there's nothing to save for tomorrow --

especially the sorrow of yesterday's trial.

So while you're here, there's nothing to fear,

and nothing that's queer, but that word -- it's absurd.

Right now I feel the greedy feelings fooling what I know,

that all won't comprehend, and no one want to buy my show.

So I'll have to go to work, and deal with a quirk

and give up this jerky singing that is ringing every bell.

But what the heaven, what the hell?

One, if I'm right, then we'll all share the might;

two, if I’m wrong, then I can still share my song.

But just in case there is a third, buy my music you fucking turd.

(To those loyal employees of the fabulous restaurant Jenkins Hill, who were kind enough to put up with me during this period, and especially Foster Mellon)

Is it easier to kill a brother than an animal, my friend, or is that just your animal voice that's sending ...

(Feb. 20 Early A.M.)

Assume what you need to assume to say what we need to share. Assume what you can assume and we needn't speak of what we share.

Lessons of Sunday

Just met a beautiful baby, but couldn't do a phoney come-on, be mine, you're fine, oh what a mind, let's do some wine. What lovely clothes, and heaven knows, I've looked for you for all my life, and what can I do? Sure I'll be true.

How long did you live with what you wanted to be me and what I wanted you to see?

(Thursday, Feb. 21)

Structure

Heredity is structure, environment is learning.

But we need no longer be concerned with burning

just the two ends of that candle,

because now we can get a handle on the other.

Yes my brother we can get off on the ways in which we differ.

Then the days of competition, working over, being better, are forgotten. No one's rotten or defending or all hung up on bending

silly rules that we've been learning for protection.

So we share the different beauties that heredity has granted,

and we learn from our environment that it's happiness we're seeking and alone just wasn't working. We simply weren't peaking,

because heredity, the differences, were really pretty small

when we compare with what we share,

and the environmental barrier, the learning, was a wall

against the nothing and the all.

So where do you go when you haven't a clue about what to do,

or even a start? Because deep in your heart

you've not yet found the questions that maybe will win

not an ultimate answer but a place to begin.

And what of your sisters and brothers less gifted

in ways we perceive and believe to be real?

Are they feeling dimensions we can't yet discover

because we're spending our time in search of a lover?

So who's really retarded?

Who's really farther from nothing, thus all?

Is the man that says call him an expert, a mister,

since he knows so much more than my brother and sister,

so much farther away than a friend we think mentally ill,

or deranged, or deficient? 'Cause who's so proficient

in using all portions of mind that we now know are there?

Will that expert please share

or will he admit that he's just a dumb twit - just like me?

So slip us a piece of your uncluttered mind

and we're all going to share in the infinite find,

for complexity carried to infinity

becomes all, which is nothing and simplicity.

So it seems pretty clear that the shortcut is here

if we zoom back through zero. Then each man's a hero

to himself and each other, and each helps discover

the talents of brother and sister

and shares in infinities we now know we share.

To my grandfather ("Werr kennt nicht Gott?" had been his challenge to another old man who was trying to refute Darwin with a literal Bible interpretation):

Dear Zaidi,

Man evolved from animals just as Darwin said. But he didn't go far enough. At the point where man became man, he made an advance that really set him apart from plants and other animals. Unlike plants and animals who come from nothing (and all) at birth and return to nothing (and all) at death, humans are distinct in that they have acquired access to the nothing and all while still alive - through their minds. Yes, you and I and all other humans.

No longer just the total of heredity (the animal likenesses and differences) and environment (the taught things), we transcend, or have long been capable of transcending, them. Now we're just growing up to realize that we no longer need false idols or gods or any "god". It's us. And it's now. Anytime we want. And it's beautiful and so easy. And I or you have nothing to fear - because it's all of us and we're not alone anymore, ever.

(Feb. 22)

Race

What we used to call races remains important only insofar as they relate to bumout, e.g. or i.e., as a "race" blacks are much further advanced in that they've been "culturally" or "human-animally" abused more.

INSANITY

Beyond the limits of what we call sanity lies insanity, of course. And if we want to stay with labels, I guess I'm already insane. But I am not running or hiding from the things I know are real, i.e., access to the all and nothing through the mind. So I'm not really insane because (1) it's a label and I'm off labels or trying to explain with words (at least to myself) things that words can never express i.e. that purport to simplify and explain the unknown, and (2) the term "sanity" implies a limit, and we're off those too. Also, I'm not trying to hang onto or manufacture things that are not there, and I am not alone in my thinking. If I'm insane, so are you. Yes, we all are, or could be, out of our heads. We're out, or we can be out if we want to, if we know we can, and if we're not afraid of admitting it to ourselves and everyone else, let's go exploring.

There never was a god, and there never was a purpose. Are we really "better" than thee other animals that we need to have a purpose? No purpose, friend -- nothing. NOTHING. So stop messing with each other. It's US. But we're nothing special -- nothing. But that's everything too.

The golden rule was not written for protection.

Dementia Praecox - What's my name?

Out of my mind, and that's no game.

But don't lock me up because you're the same.

"Disease" is a thing that we don't understand

so we call it "disease" or unknown, just a handle

on something we simply don't know.

How long are we going to refuse to admit

we're still sucking the tit of our uncles and aunts --

the animals, plants, fathers and mothers of this baby --

since born it could shorn all the limits before,

and be sisters and brothers without turning to war.

So we've made some mistakes, but how long must it take

to grow up and to see that it's just you and me.

And we're free of the labels and chains

of our primate remains - if we just want to be.

Homo is equal; homos, the same.

Oh boy, are we stupid.

Early Greeks knew our name.

For shame! How embarrassing, silly and dumb.

Wasting our time with from where we've come

or where we are going, and not where we are.

We've been shooting for stars

when they're really no farther away than a moment.

For light travels slowly.

Its speed we can measure,

like the pleasure of dealing

with lives and their feelings,

and buying a slave with the money we save.

(draft letter, not sent, to Grove Press, per friend's suggestion)

Dear Friends:

This is my first book. It's a bit of a mess.

But don't judge a book by its cover. Yes,

I think you'll be interested in what you read.

Please don't tell me I need

to retype it, or stick it away. Take a peek at it now.

It's powerful and all very true.

I look forward to hearing from you.

P.S. Mr. Grove. This is not a form letter.

For better or worse, you've got the first shot to publish my song.

But please don't wait too long.

(Saturday, Feb. 23)

Go both gently and raging. We're all turning a page,

and the night's just a shield from the light of our age.

I know the last line is I think thus I know

(Feb 29)

but in the middle there's a long road to hoe

and a new beginning every day. For every wall taken down

reveals another the moment I say I know it's gone.

Another dawn has broken,

and other mysteries start to open.

(misc notes Feb 23)

changed dimensions

change in future

4th dimension

Live through others

Wiping off hands

I see you see me

See you continually > really be another

To go back; go back to date and live

[Always swinging back (and forth)]

Burning is what you must do before exploding.

Bill [Sloane]: You know me knows she -- bridge to others?

Now tie together with vibes, and expand

(Bill's phenom and passing munchies)

Take something you know is physically real and then go, get into it and unlearn al there is, because it's there.

I gotta learn to unlearn.

Key to getting to baby: Teach -- Teach, but teach only truth.

(Sunday, Feb. 24 AM)

(Misc. notes)

Good morning.

Crawl back -- live through it with present awareness. But can you change it? Now afraid to go back because have to relive all the bullshit. Do you?

Home - castle

Don't live here

Daddy - energy

Dog share

Celibacy -- conceit of a priest

humility

Past/Future/Mind

When I whisper sweet nothings into your ear --

I'm telling you all if you just want to hear.

Don't try to see it,

but feel it, believe it.

Key to past: Even the worst in the past is necessary for the present.

Three elements of man -- heredity, environment, intellect.

Only constant is intellect = all = zero. Others are variable.

How do you find an adequate word

to say that there's a distinct third

component to the homos.

Well, by definition it's the same,

the all and nothing.

Could its name be "Intellect"?

So simple and so clear.

But it's the only constant here

in the equation of human =

"H" (heredity) + "E" (environment) + constant "I" (intellect).

"H""E" varies in his infinite ways,

but our "I" is ours and more than we could ever say with any word.

So stop fooling each other, because we all share that third.

The greater hurt is the lie, not the act.

Doing what you want is no worse than thinking you want it.

Don't do it, and lie to your self -- and everyone else.

(Monday, Feb. 25)

My seven-year-old just closed her eyes

when I told her I knew she could reach for the skies.

(I opened my awareness and invited her into my thoughts; some comments I noted afterwards) "I wasn't thinking with her ... I wasn't going. ... You know what kind of going. ... Felicia went to Jackie's ... Open it wider ... "

[reflecting on these comments 12/16/7, it would appear that the proccss of accessing the opening between our minds at the same time allowed access to areas beyond that "tunnel", other openings, other minds]

?? check notebook:

Better than great -- giving more than enough would be if you were me.

?? check notebooks:

The game is based on pretty and witty and gimmicks and money,

and a man's not a man if he hasn't a honey.

If that sounds a bit funny, remember you've got what it takes

or you think that you do, but it's starting to shake

and you're losing the handle.

And you'll do what you can to get what you want and think that you need.

Now, don't get pee'd off at me, cause I'm you,

and I've taken advantage of brother and sister too --

using legalized rips for my fantasy trips.

Sure I "make my breaks". I too "had what it takes."

But if I hadn't, you'd better believe

I'd be locked up forever without a reprieve,

and so would you. Cause we've all gotta do

what we think we must. So if you still don't trust what I say --

You've got the problem -- I won't go away.

You'll never convince me so don't even try,

and you better believe I'm disturbed when I cry,

'cause my being and feeling say your voice is revealing

the thoughts you're concealing with walls in your mind.

'Cause you're coming across loud and clear

that you're holding back something that I shouldn't hear.

I know I'm not crazy and I'm not misreading the fact

that you're trying to save me from something too much for my ear.

Yes, I'm reading your mind.

And I really can't find

any virtue in letting you think that I'm blind.

So you think I'm insane but I can't stand the pain

of a phoney refrain anymore

I've let myself be convinced before

that my interpreting was hazy.

But I'm not buying it anymore.

So don't try to tell me I'm the crazy.

Yes, I'm really upset, 'cause it's just your conceit

that lets you keep thinking I don't know deceit.

You're pretty cute, but you did it again,

and you really won't have to tell me when

you'll knock it off because I'll know.

You won't have to say, because it'll show.

You did it last night and again today.

I was reading your mind, and it's really child's play.

So keep fooling yourself -- don't admit it to you.

But I know what you think, and I know what is true.

Exploring the past -- it's all in your head,

all that you thought and read, and saw and heard

and felt. Yes every single word.

It's all part of you, and it won't go away.

But you're building on it every day.

It won't take very long, maybe just a bit.

But with practice it should get easy as shit.

Pick a day in your past, that you'd like to make last,

and then really crawl in. It'll go pretty fast,

so slow it down in your mind.

Stretch it out, really feel every detail.

And you’ll see when you open your eyes, before long,

That even the worst in your past isn't wrong

if it got you to where it should.

It's no longer bad, not even less good.

The everything's here and it's now and I know it,

and now dear friends we're all going to show it,

by walking through walls and having the courage

to admit we've been had by dear mommy and daddy.

You too my dear Pop, you were topped by your papa,

and all the way back to the first pompous hacks

who used their minds to close the blinds.

So it's not just one generation that's balking -

but all of us, if we'd only stop talking

and start admitting our reading of mind,

and begin to explore the infinite find.

So my laughing has started, and I won't be downhearted

if your stuff's on the shelf, 'cause you're robbing yourself.

It's us and it's free, and it's so nice to be.

(Feb. 26)

Thoughts: My moods progress, progression from complex to simple, in concept, laying tracks to the ultimate in simplicity. At what point jump? How many more stops? There's an infinite number.

Everything works, 'cause it's mind over matter.

We're done with the clatter of "can't", "won't" and "never",

'cause we can if we will, and the will is forever.

[Music box music:] A little girl paid me a compliment, told me I look like a girl. Thank you, I said, what a wonderfully well bred young lady.

(Wed., Feb. 27)

Notes/Mind exercises: Eyes can be camera, door or mirror.

Look into my eyes; they're a mirror of your fears. ... If you've ever dreamed you can walk through a wall, then you can and the dream is you. I'm whoever you like if you look in my eyes (a simple form of hypnosis?). So now I crawl in/ open up / share the power of the infinite or love ... Visualize myself in your eyes -- turn around, and then I'm in!

Put out a a call for no traffic accidents; the I wants to live tonight.

I can now make you see yourself when you look into my eyes, and made you see the friend you needed, then began to crawl inside yours ...

First I tried in your direction, but couldn't get the right reflection.

Closed my eyes, but that didn't work because the sound was on my left.

So I turned around to get it right, and then began to deftly crawl behind and inch back to your mind[space].

Suddenly I had to move and for a while I lost the groove. Got back into it, but couldn't take the final turn. Had to inch my way ... but couldn't quite make it -- not ready to see me face to face. But got a new "number".

You know what I know -- that first glance is key.

Lessons in teleportation: Really see yourself somewhere else -- the key, the key.

I just realized my contribution: I had the anti-gravity illusion that I know now is real.

I see you, you see you, maybe, maybe not. I be you, you see me. Hey baby, home free, and we're off. Tonite's a solo. I don't want you there, so off you go, and off we go.

If I do what I think I might tonight, tomorrow morning we might all have our sight. Dig it my brothers and sisters. I love you, and we'll take care of each other forever.

The girl of my dreams is the girl of my dreams tonight. But that's alright, and that's all right.

Use a physical mirror, or rather two, to see the person I see as you.

(Thursday Feb. 28 early AM)

That's it, you can change the future or past or anything -- with your mind.

(Thursday, Feb. 28, early A.M.)

Last night I took some people into my mind,

lowered my sound to where it was gone –

but kept mentally talking. You might think it absurd,

but they heard every single word.

(Feb. 28)

check notebooks:

[Perhaps those who seem to see future events can't really see into the future, but rather make it happen with the power of mind.]

Perhaps you can't really see into the future -- you make it with your mind.

And you can change it at will.

The things you see in the future can be changed –

they're still part of the things you planned.

So pretty soon we change it, for everyone -- just like that.

All is open, all is love. There is nothing to fear. It's us.

There's no more physical deterioration, aging, etc., if we don't want it. Or we can trade bodies -- or dream up a new one, and crawl into it for sure.

One person has energy enough to do it for all -- he just goes back through zero to the infinite --- NO LIMITS!

My "poetry" will become a child's instruction book

-- a way to study how someone else did it

-- reread a part of yourself.

Do what I'm pleading for you to do with my mind (our mind if you only knew that).

Relax with the nothing.

Let go, and the everything will unfold. Of course.

He always stopped before -- but there's no stopping us now.

The key you're looking for is the one you think you have –

let go of it, throw it away.

You don't need it anymore. None of us do.

But we must be alone before we can be together.

Together's not a house or a friend or a dog.

Only when you've got nothing will you have everything.

And I think we all will pretty goddam soon.

Don't reach for all right now.

First look at your most important thing or things. And let go.

Let go of god. Let go of your key. That's it. No crystal ball.

No future. No past. We made them up too.

They used to exist before we escaped, and now they’re sorta funny.

It's right now. I guess we needed the technical skills and tools it took so long or short to develop.

And now we: Transcend all limits.

(Thursday nite)

And now -- it's really stretching out.

It's not puppy's turf but yours that you're protecting when you say that some dogs like to fight for what they think is right. That dog's got some "I" too.

Every story paints a picture.

Pick a topic; relax with it.

You love me because I know you need me to set you free;

I know it's us and I'll go fast as I can.

Everybody's the same, woman or man.

A new kind of vanity, but I'm proud to be us, where before it used to be we. You know I'm together, and you want to be me; sounds like a compliment to you.

Feel what I feel

see what I see

cry when I cry

remenber I'll never die

I know what I'm not and I know you'll agree.

So words aren't needed anymore, except when we need them by choice. Like I need mine to help me explore the inner dimensions of the mind to the outer dimensions of the infinite find.

Since I don't know when I'll float again,

maybe I'll take a trial run in a plane.

Mighty mouse is alive and well and waiting for you to open your door.

Come with me for some real exploring,

cause I can't do it without you.

It's us, it's us; no need to discuss, but it's time now to go.

Don't hit my car and I won't hit yours.

Turn it around and it's still OK.

So we'll drive through the night to another day.

[Georgetown?]

If you know I want you I'll be there.

If you know you want me I'll be where you think I'll be.

There'll be no mystery if I'm late or don't make it.

I'm starting to forget more where I've been.

I've done it before and it's really not sin.

So I float through your bar, not sure where we are,

But I'm storing it up,

I'm a "frigging" computer that's learning to think,

But I'm not gonna sink, I'm gonna fly

Yes into the sky -- no guy wires or props.

And I laid this number on you before: There's nothing I can do you can't explore.

The next word I hear out of you will be me talking, so don't try to guess.

Now that I'm pretty much past the words,

I'm also past passing the turds of bullshit,

and I know we're not far from everyone knowing

we've captured our star by letting his go.

We can say what needs to be said with words that never disagree --

simple ones whose definition you won't have to tell me

I won't have to look it up in your learned bullshit

I don't want to talk to you anymore ever.

I really don't want to hear him.

Stop guessing you dummy;

stop trying to prove to me

what I already know and you don't.

Don't be a mediator anymore.

Gimmee four burgers -- two for me please,

and one each for friends who have our disease,

but won't yet admit that they're hungry as shit.

Or maybe I'm guessing -- I just wanted one,

or did I? Who cares. It really is fun.

So in ordering burgers we've learned the effect of trying to get extra onions, so don't say "please gimmee",

but "you couldn't now could ya?"

Of course you can and you will

and I know it cause couldn't's a lie.

And I think us just showed it.

And if it won't work, the next time I try it,

I'll prove can't's a lie. I'll easily buy it.

(Early Friday AM, March 1)

Turn my whole trip around? We'll see if that will reveal still more infinity.

Ah yes. She will be me if I will be she.

I just forgot I took off my contact lenses, and realized

I could see my face (in the mirror)

until I knew they weren't in place on my eyes.

Yes I still need that stupid disguise,

but I'm not gonna trade them in for glasses --

I'll just see without either --

Hey, here's one for the massses.

I found my blind man, and he will see

Cause now I know, that blind man is me.

[EYE EXERCISES I]

Exercises (for mindswapping):

Blink eyes --

1. see me, see you, see us, see ...Exercise -- get it down.

2. I am me, I see you, I am me, I see me,

I am you, I see you, I am you, I see me.

Now we've really swappped bodies.

If I can't yet see me, it's cause you want me to see you. So give me a hand -- look at me and make me see myself; be my mirror.

[EYE EXERCISES II]

Exercises --

1. Be passive; receive feeling; hold the first feeling.

2. Be exact mirror - see yourself; be a friend; be us.

Human behavior as we have previously conceived it follows an absolute pattern from which I have yet to determine any variation. It's formula -- H + E + (k)I = me

Limits I will soon overcome:

-- see perfectly without glasses

You are my mirror. I know it, I know it.

You will make me see me through your eyes.

I just felt someone's nervousness when she looked at a mirror of she but knew it was me. I couldn't shake it but felt as she felt. Hey girl, I'm still scared too. I must learn to control what I know. I'm trying as hard as I can. Then we'll do it together, and no more games.

(Sat. March 2)

Everything's here and it's us. Now you know it

and now my dear mirror we're both gonna show it

by loving, sharing, giving and caring.

And knowing that we can undo with our find,

the walls that our brothers still hold in their mind.

Suddenly, Zap! I am you, you are me.

And together is simple and painless and free.

(Carryover from prelim meeting with Chase on 3/1/74?)*

Make an appointment with a shrink? But Dr. Dr. I really think

you need a shrink far more than I do, cause you refuse to believe

what your mind feels is there. I know what I know, and my mind says it too. You're yes with my mind and my words, but still you're afraid to trust what you really feel. So who's the one who still can't deal with things we both know are very real? Your shrink will pull out his best Freud and ask a long of stupid questions about my past. I can do that myself and save your precious time and your every hard-earned dime. but when I do we'll have such a good time changing the things that need not have been. So don't worry yourself cause we're all going to win. I told you before, but I'll once more repeat. The offer you hear that you don't want to feel is really to share in man's final conceit. Cause the journals will rave at your vision and sight.

My perceptions are sharper every day,

more and more in every way.

Look through the mask.

Look for the I.

Old and tired are about the same.

So we'll turn it around for a happier game.

We don't know how to use it yet, but we're learning pretty fast.

I have never dreamed of myself. Tonite I will do it.

Don't make another do what they don't think they want to. Do it through them. Make it honest. Crawl in, cause you're giving your all. Then let them do what they will. They will be honest and look at you if they really want to, and do what they really want to do. And you know they really want to, so there's nothing to fear.

Good evening, and welcome to the Garden of Eden.

Dummy -- use a photo ... or photo's eyes.

Everything you think is right, except:

1. Everyone else is too; it's all of us. You're not special.

2. It's right now.

3. There's nothing to fear.

4. Prove it to yourself and share your dreams.

I = is = us = nothing = everything

So in terms of what we know,

it's the first thing that is true.

But in terms of what we're learning,

it's whatever we would do.

So this is a solo tonite my dear,

but we'll live it through another way --

and I'm certain now, it won't sound queer --

maybe tomorrow -- or yesterday.

Hah! Hah! Hah!

I just saw me for the first time, and I like it --

because it's you too.

It's pretty simple -- I saw me the way I wanted to be,

and I am.

OK. Cars will do what you want them to.

Wanna walk, then they'll balk.

The ultimate in chastity (or conceit) --

I don't need your woman, 'cause I can have all of them, all at the same time. And once again, all is nothing, and yes is no.

1. The mind is infinite

2. We are what we know

3. We can be what we know we can be

4. I am JC and I know it.

5. You are too, but maybe you're not as certain as I.

6. Relax, cause I'm you (we are one & the same) and JC is an image.

7. But I knew it first, so I'm you before you're me.

8. By the way, we knew it before He did. So; fuck us.

9. But don't ever forget -- we're the same, no better, no worse, no limits!

Ultimate in (and what are they) 1. conceit, 2. humility, and once again, all is nothing and yes is no.

Contract: Take what you need and share the rest.

And we're always gonna share the very best.

For sure. (I'm not leaving yet.)

(Sunday, March 3)

Today I stopped wearing my contact lenses.

I will use my glasses when I need them.

And now I know I don't need them.

So now we shall practice our physical skills,

and prove that Mighty Mouse is he who wills!

Ta -- Da -- (Horns blowing)

Eatin meat

is pretty neat.

We don't jump off buildings --

We jump up!!!

[This thought was not spontaneously self-generated;

in fact it is a reaction to some sicko's suggestion re "jumping"]

Come with me or you'll be left out.

Cause I know what it's all about.

(But of course you won't.

So if you don't want to -- Don't.)

What goes up need not come down --

unless it does and then it did.

[EYE EXERCISES III]

To correct myopia -- eye exercises:

Throw up rock and freeze it; let it float down.

Blink, Blink, What do you see? Enough. More than before.

Close eyes; open quickly, then close.

What did you see? Keep doing.

When I forget I need something, pretty soon I start to know

I never needed it before, and so I merely let it go.

First my record and dreams of a star,

now my house and soon my car.

But you better believe I know what I've done,

and I'm getting more back, and I'm sure having fun.

I ain't looking for you anymore.

When you want me, you'll find me.

And once again, all is nothing and yes is no.

[To John Alexander]

1. If you know you're the GM, you won't have to tell anyone else. They'll know it too. And I know it already.

2. I can't do it alone. That's why I hired you. Neither can you. Get some help. Wherever you need to get it. Use your key. And don't fuck up. Cause you're fucking yourself if you do.

Now go for everything. Then you'll get the nothing.

You got it all if you know it, and I know it.

[EYE EXERCISES IV]

Focus is next.

-- Leave your eyes open and stare

-- then watch things with peripheral vision -- and beyond.

-- Close your eyes and they stay.

-- Practice, Practice, Practice.

I'm not looking for it anymore.

But I'll get it, cause it'll find me. I know.

I just lost Zorro -- and almost cried.

Now I know I'll never lose him.

He's wherever I know he is, and when I know he's here he will be.

Zorro found me. He's every dog, and now I know they're all the same. They're just like me. I gave you my Zorro, and you'll give me yours. Thank us. Now I don't even need yours. I thought yours was mine -- and he was. And your friend thought I was you -- and I was.

Yes I'm in a hurry. But I'm never gonna stop and I'm never gonna go away. So stop telling me I will, cause I won't and I know it.

------

Birthday party invitation, March 4?:

"March 7, Thu, at 3. Bring friends.

We'll have lots of beer here, but bring some more if you love me or still feel guilty about drinking mine.

Happy Birthday to you too. 408 5th SE"

[Also on invite, lyrics to two songs, with intention to record and put on record:

Side One: Hi Mom (see above), with notations on choruses:

Chorus 1: Everybody sing !!!!!!

Chorus 2: Now really get into it !!!!!!!

Chorus 3: Now let it all out !!!!!!! That felt good. Lets do it again ...

followed by lyrics to

Side Two: Digging (March 4 ??)

--- end invitation

A few days ago I tried to buy more books from Trover. No more till Friday. So it will be a happy birthday on Thursday. For us.

Bill (“Baseball Bill”) -- it's pretty simple. I can make a million on what happens Thursday. Of course. If fact I will. Of course. I gave that to you. Of course. It's your million. Of course. And all I want you to do for me is give it away. Of course. Start giving it away. Of course. Everybody else needs our help. Of course. And we will do it. Of course. Start spending that million now. Cause you've already got it. Of course. So happy birthday to you too.

Now -- all I gotta do is forget I'm me, and remember I'm you. It'll be a snap -- soon.

Now -- I wear something different all the time, and soon I'll forget what I'm wearing -- Then I'm wearing whatever I think I am. Hah Hah

OK Dr. We'll do it your way. It might take a few days, but then you'll insist I call you Ken. I won't have to tell you cause you'll know when.

I'm almost out of clean sox and underwear. Maybe tomorrow I'll forget I need them. Or maybe someone will do my laundry tonite. Me won't. (But I will).

[EYE EXERCISES V]

Look straight ahead and stretch your peripheral vision around to both sides. Now focus the sides. Take in everything, both sides at the same time. Once that's perfect, keep going back. When you got 360 degrees -- then focus straight ahead.

When you talk -- agree with everything cause that's right too. No more arguments -- learn from it. Passive, passive, passive -- much better than agressive.

Everyone loves me now -- let them worry and do whatever they want me to. It works better than anything else.

(March 5, 1974, Tuesday)

Now relax and let it happen. And it will.

I know nothing will ever harm me. Therefore it will not.

Yes I believe in magic. Thank you Lexi and Felicia, Bill Sloane, and Jimmy Somma and his "chicadee", etc., cause we're all the same and we know it.

So it really doesn't matter if I do the other stuff. I know that. So now I'm gonna do it. Because it's gonnna be fun. Yes.

Dear jimmy somma (no caps of course)

we did a total mind number. And we know it. I did not lock that door. and you know it. And you're the photographer. And you know it. So knock yourself out. Yes.

###

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